An Endless Labyrinth

2011-09-15T02:46:00.000-07:00

& from today onwards, I'll put both my mind & heart to stop this hatred I bear towards you.

You're just a spoiled and pampered brat, one who is driven by raging hormones and assume that your found happiness is yours when it never was right from the start.

You'll receive your retribution one day, and when you do, I hope you learn how to be humble & know what it's like to be a true friend, one who knows her place under circumstances.

2011-08-05T08:38:00.000-07:00

& tonight, I'll find my way back to the Lord God Almighty.

2011-06-09T11:30:00.000-07:00

It's 2.30am again, and this time, I feel a bolt of anger within me.

Don't really know how to describe the exact feeling, but it's a very uncomfortable feeling which resides once it comes.
It's when I feel angry with all the people who have hurt me before, in one way or another.
It's when all the people I've forgiven become sinners all over again.
It's when I feel unhappy with myself, not contented with anything in life at all.

I fucking hate this feeling and it's been irking me a lot recently.

I need to find peace, yes, inner peace within.
I admit, I've stopped praying for quite awhile, I feel like I'm straying off again.

I'll utter a prayer tonight, and ask that God renew me and just take all these negatives away from me.
I must learn to love myself more, a lot more in fact.

-Charm.

2011-06-08T11:30:00.000-07:00

It's currently 2.30am.

I'm really proud of myself.
I've talked about giving tuition for the past 2 years plus, but have not done anything substantial like registering at an agency or really looking for students.
Thanks to my best friend, procrastination, tsk.

However, I've spent the past 2 days registering at every single tuition agency I can find and bidding for tuition assignments which I'm interested in.

YES, I'm finally doing something about it, and I'm dead serious in giving tuition.

If anyone you know needs help in primary level English, please feel free to e-mail me at charmaiinex@hotmail.com! :D

Pray hard for me, that I'll get the tuition assignments that I've bidded for okay!

Teehee, goodnight loves!

-Charm.

2011-06-05T02:46:00.000-07:00

Boo, just felt like blogging about my week.

Thursday, 02/06

Met up with the SS people at Marina Square! Really miss them (:
So we had dinner at Manhattan Fish Market but I didn't eat anything because I wasn't hungry.
It's very unlike me to not be hungry lol.

I think I have this bond with the MFM in Marina Sqaure.
I always seem to be going there to eat with really close friends of mine; with Edward before he went to London, with Sanah before she went to New York, and this time, with SS people.
Nah, they are not going anywhere, but some of them aren't staying in Hall 16 anymore next semester, so that's really sad to know. Sigh.

Went to the arcade to kill time before our movie, Kung Fu Panda 2. I've never had this much fun in a long, long time, laughing and screaming over the games. Hahaha oh my I really felt like a child all over again. :D

If you haven't watched this movie yet, then please, WATCH IT.
It's like, every scene is somehow focused on his fats, mad hilarious!

& because I know baby loves fat, round things, I'm gonna watch it again with him in less than an hours time! Teehee, can't wait to see him laugh out loud, I know he's going to enjoy it! (:

Didn't take any photos with the SS people though. I resembled a ghost because both my eyes were blood shot, thanks to the eyelash extension glue and my itchy ass. I'm always like that, refusing to keep my eyes shut till the glue is completely dry. I don't know why, I just don't have the patience to wait. I swear someday I'm just gonna go blind by the glue. Tsk.

Friday, 03/06

Met up with my zeeYKA! I love that girl can? :D
I'm really happy and thankful to have her as my roomie, confidant, girlfriend, bestie, whatever whatever LOL.
So I got her to accompany me to go back to NIE to extend my laptop insurance. Didn't want to return my beloved laptop and take a new one all over again, such a hassle.
Moreover, my laptop contains all my stuff and more importantly, GAMES.
I cannot imagine myself re-installing everything again, tsk.

After that, we met up with baby and went back to his place to cook!
We had home-made salmon sashimi, broccoli, soup, luncheon meat and eggs. Then, it was super FML because while I was cooking halfway, the stove ran out of gas? LOL
I cannot explain how depressed I was. Good thing the soup was already done by then. In the end, baby went down to buy kangkong to make up for the uncooked broccoli and till now, the chopped up pieces of broccoli are still in the fridge rotting away. -.-

Saturday, 04/06

Baby & I met up with Lin and her boyfriend, Sam, and we set off to Vino's house for her engagement ceremony! :D

Congratulations to my babe!!

I feel really happy for her, and she was a nervous wreck, trying her very best to hide all her nervousness underneath those sweet smiles. Hehehehe.

Anyway, she already warned us beforehand that this was an Indian traditional ceremony, and really, it was quite an experience for me.
I was very amazed by all the decorations, offerings and rituals that took place to bless the couple, gifts and such.
If you haven't been to such a traditional ceremony, you should one day. (:

Sunday, 05/06

Spent majority of the afternoon spring cleaning baby's room.
I washed his fan, wiped the cabinet, shelves and table, washed the rabbits' cage, groomed my beloved bunnies, swept, vacuumed and mopped his floor.
I was in short, in a cleaning frenzy.
I'm seldom so enthusiastic in doing chores, but when it comes, I can really do everything in a day.
Now, his room is sparkling white and clean, not even a speck of dust can be found.
Mad proud of myself please. :D

Will be meeting Swee Huang for lunch and Sparkie for dinner tomorrow.
It's been quite a while since I last saw both of them, especially Sparkie.
Let's pray that tomorrow will be a good photo day and we'll snap a lot of pretty pictures! :D

-Charm.

2011-05-30T18:34:00.000-07:00

Hola (:

HELLO!
I'm back once again, after a month plus plus plus.
Teehee, it's the last day of May, and I told myself I would do my very best to update this blog as often as possible, if not, at least once a month, so yea, here I am, after procrastinating and lazing around for days and weeks. Tsk.

Anyway, some updates about my life:

1) Practicum is finally OVER!!! :D

Although the 10 weeks have been really hectic and stressful, with every single weekend burnt doing nothing more than lesson plans and marking, I'm really thankful for such an experience, as it really helped and prepared me to be a better teacher. (:

Also, it is through this practicum experience which led me to know a lot of wonderful people in my school, all who helped and contributed to the credit I earned!

Yes, it's a CREDIT and I can't explain how happy I was when I saw my grade. :D

Well, the most important person I need to thank is none other than my baby chu chu.
He has been there with me every step of the way, from me suffering from pre-practicum blues, to the start of practicum, to having to juggle between both practicum and HOCC dance, and for the rest of practicum.

Baby, thanks for giving me your fullest support in everything I do, and for tolerating all my nonsense, mood swings and down moments where I flare up over the slightest thing.

I LOVE YOU ♥

I love baby's side view. Teehee.

2) My results are out and I've been offered crossover to the degree programme!

Yes, this has been my dream and goal, to do well enough to be able to crossover and I did it!
Zongbing is also crossing over with me, together with a couple of other people from our Dip.Ed programme.

A big CONGRATULATIONS to all of us! Our hard work really paid off. Can't wait to see all of you in NIE again (:

~~~

I guess that's about the two most important updates so far over the past month.

Anyway, I went out with Zb, Lin & Vino the other day to have our traditional Swensen's ice-cream buffet.
Some pictures!

We talked about how depressing it was to be separated, now that we're all going to graduate soon and be in the teaching service for good.
Well, it seems like only two of us are going back to NIE to continue our studies, and it really saddens me to know that I won't be able to see a lot of my Dip.Ed friends again.
Sigh, I just know that somehow, things will never be the same again.
Looks like I really have to find my comfort zone all over again when the semester starts, but I know it's gonna be okay and that God will bring me through all the obstacles I face. (:

Will be going to do my eyelash extensions later in the afternoon.
Boy I miss my lashes!
Will be doing my hair and nails too! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

That's about it for now, and I'll end this post with a picture of the cutest thing alive :D

Furball ♥

Teeheee, till then loves (:

-Charm.

2011-04-15T17:52:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday to my darling bunnies ♥

Hello loves, I've resurfaced after about a month again.
I blame it on Practicum, and the woes of it, heh.

My bunnies just turned 1 on the 7th of April, 2011. (:
Love them truckloads ♥♥

So it's like 9am on a Saturday morning & I'm up to do lesson plans.
How colourful can my life get right.
It's okay, I shall not complain, because it's only 3 more weeks to go & I'm so done with this shit!
Dear Practicum, may you be gone, now, forever & always :D

So many things to do after that, & more importantly, so many people to catch up with.
I feel so isolated from the rest of the world because I'm always either in school or spending my time doing lesson plans or marking.
There's hardly time for anything else, really.
To add on to my misery, every single weekend is burnt too.

In fact, I feel like some village person stuck in my little kampong house, not knowing what the outside world is like.
YES, it's been so fucking long since I last watched a movie, or even go to TOWN.

Like uh pathetic only.
Okay, I'm done with my rants.

Back to lesson planning.
Till then darlings.

Love,
Charm.

2011-03-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

Strawberry Stretch ♥

Hey loves,

I'm sorry for MIA-ing for what seemed like eternity.
So much has happened since I last updated & I've been as busy as hell.
My assignments came flooding in like a tsunami right after CNY & immediately after that, Practicum started.
I was desperately trying to gasp for air for the past month plus, especially when I had Practicum & dance practices running concurrently.

Anyway, the good news is, HO dance competition is finally over & I must say that all our hard work and efforts really paid off because...

Strawberry Stretch came in third out of all the 16 halls which participated!
A part of me is still in disbelief but yea, I'm really, really so very happy with our achievement, and I know every Strawberry is too. (:
We did Hall 16 proud!

Anyway, here are some pictures of our performance!
There are like a hundred over photos but I'm just uploading a few that I've been tagged in.
The rest are on my facebook! :D

And this is our awesome performance video. It's a MUST WATCH!

Spot me if you can (:

~~~~

That's about it for dance.

I'm into the 4th week of my Practicum now, & there's another 6 more weeks to go.
I can't wait for it to be over & done with.

Sigh. I'm glad I have my baby to accompany me as much as possible, to be there for me every single moment, and to give me his fullest support in everything that I do. ♥♥

I'm gonna dota with him now.
Till the next post, toodles!

♥

-Charm.

2011-02-26T21:36:00.000-08:00

Just so you know, I'm still very much alive.

I've been so busy for the past month that I've barely time to do anything else.

Will update again soon-ish.

Loves,
Charm.

2011-01-30T05:02:00.000-08:00

Boo-ya (:(:

Hello darlings.
Here I am, feeling all refreshed and alive.
This entry is gonna be a really long one with loads of pictures!
Promised an update of my past week, so here it is! (:
Oh, just to let you know, each update is separated by '~~~~~~~~~~', so don't be alarmed if you see an abrupt change of topic haha.

Okay let's start off with the Dota tournament held by Hall 16:

Strawberry Stretch's dancers decided to take part in the tournament just for the fun of it and so, we formed a team of 5, comprising of Li Jian, Medwin, Zhiwei, Jeremy and me.

In the end, there were only 4 teams taking part in the competition and 1 team got disqualified because they 'smuggled in' a non-resident to play for them.
Seriously, I shall just keep my comments to myself, lol.
So it was really quite funny, because no matter how, the remaining 3 teams would all be winners; we were just competing for the 1st, 2nd and 3rd placings LOL.

It was an interesting experience I must say, and our team, Team LJ (LJ referring to Li Jian, not anything else you perverts haha!) managed to clinch the 2nd position in the end!
-CLAPS-

Our prize?
We each received a laminated certificate which is really beautiful in my opinion, just that they misspelled my name as 'Chermaine' instead of 'Charmaine', tsk.
Also, our team won a hamper with loads of junk food in it, and not forgetting the oh-so-awesome cans of 37. So sick of that drink LOL.

:D:D

~~~~~~~~~~

Went over to my darling Adeline's house last Friday to visit her and at the same time, help her to babysit my lovely niece and nephew, Ci En and Qiao An.
It's really not easy to be a mother, having to entertain and take care of two children at the same time.
However, I have no complains because I enjoyed playing with them, even though I was exhausted at the end of it all.
Adeline is recovering well! Thank God for that! (:
Gonna visit her again next week.
Some pictures of my sweethearts♥

Uber cuteness right I know. :D

Oh, there was this NTU bazaar last week and there was one store selling really cute bibs.
Initially, I wanted to buy like at least 3 bibs for Qian An because they were all too cute and I couldn't decide on which to choose, but I ended up buying only one in the end because both Sanah and I thought that the bib looked too small so we were afraid it wouldn't fit.
However, we were oh-so-wrong because it turned out that the bib could even fit on both our necks. TSK.

My donkey (:

She looks so sad right? Haha that's because awesome me forced her to wear it and take a photo with it. Muahahahaha.

~~~~~~~~~~

Next update is the international dance event I volunteered to help out in last Saturday!

Juste Debout (:

One of the most amazing events I've ever been to!! (Y)
This is the first time ever it's being held in Singapore.
I can't explain or describe how awesome the feeling is, to be watching professional dancers from all over the world come together to battle and learn from each other.
It really felt like a huge family gathering, with everyone sharing but one same passion - DANCE. ♥
If it's held again next year, please, just buy a ticket and attend the event, it's really an eye-opener. (:

~~~~~~~~~~

How's school for me thus far?
It's been pretty much the same - lessons are as boring as usual, and I'm always trying my very best to stay awake. -.-
So I've been vandalizing my hand and on the hands of others to keep myself awake LOL.
Poor hands :/

Teehee, so artistic right? :/
Mostly my favourite quotes from poems by Coleridge (:
I feel like having these quotes inked too.
If I'm not going to be a teacher, I will definitely have at least one quote inked on my hand, at the very same position where I wrote on. :D

So I felt that my DCM presentation was pretty much screwed and I still feel lousy about it even till now, but whatever, it's already over, so I shall not dwell upon it and MOVE ON. Yes, you need to move on Charm.

To add on to my woes, I'm going to be mother ass busy after CNY because all my assignments are due on the 18th of February and that fateful day also marks the very end of my NIE training before we are sent out for our final practicum on the 21st of February till the 6th of May.
Sigh, I doubt I'll be able to survive those 10 hellish weeks.
Totally not looking forward to it :(

~~~~~~~~~~

Strawberry Stretch had its first ever dance performance during Hall Day on the 25th of January!
I think we all did very well and I really enjoyed the night. :D
I only have the facebook link to our performance video so I'll just share it here!

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/video/video.php?v=487289092516

Teehee :D
HOCC's dance competition is in 5 weeks time, and we're all going to be really busy training for it.
I don't really know how I'm going to cope with both practicum and dance training concurrently but yea, I'll find a way. I really want to be part of this!
I do hope that we'll be able to clinch the top 3 positions this year too! :D

~~~~~~~~~~

Had reunion dinner with my father's side last night and I must say that the food SUCKS.
This is the worst dinner I've ever had, not even worth the money I paid for it can?
However, the company of my cousins made up for it so I will complain no further.

Went to watch Shaolin after dinner with all of them.
It's a really good show, just that it's a little violent and the ending is damn sad. :(
So while waiting for the movie to start, we went over to Charly T's to chill and I started cam-whoring. LOL.

Wai Leng is very amazed at how I'm able to take photo after photo of myself, in all directions and positions and she just kept on laughing.
She was so amused that she even snapped a photo of me taking myself.

Naise one ah Wai Leng LOL.
Yea, it was also uploaded on facebook the very moment after it was taken with the caption "Camwhore redux: taking her taking herself." HAHA.

~~~~~~~~~~~

That's about all the updates I have.
Oh, and I've added a lot of songs on my blog too, so enjoy listening to them while you read my entries/work/surf the net/chill or whatever. :D

I'm very excited because I'll be going to The Underwater World tomorrow with ZB & Nilofer for our DCS assignment!
Gonna take heaps of photos!

Oh, and CNY is coming, so here's wishing all of you a Happy Chinese New Year in advance! May all of you collect many red packets! You may want to donate some to Charm's funds too LOL.

Okay, that's all for now.

TOODLES ♥

-Charm.

2011-01-24T05:04:00.001-08:00

Fatigue.

Hi, this is a post to let you all know that I'm still somewhat alive and kicking.
Lol, never felt more zombified than what I am now.
Only managed to sleep for 1 hour last night - was rushing my DCM lesson plan & whiteboard task.
Not quite done, even till now.
I can literally just sleep anywhere right at this moment, but I can't.
& for the first time in my life, I walked right into a pole. LOL

I have my DCM presentation tomorrow morning, pray for me and wish me luck people!
Dance performance tomorrow night too! Pray harder for me, that I'll stay calm and composed throughout and do just fine. (:

I'll give a more detailed update on my weekend when I'm in a better state of mind, or rather, when I'm more sober. Haha this is worse than being under the influence of alcohol I swear.

Till then. (:

-Charm.

2011-01-18T01:25:00.000-08:00

To let go.

So the results are out.

I've made quite a good improvement but no, I'm not happy at all.

The past keeps coming back to me; of how much higher my GPA can be right now if all that didn't happen.

I don't think I can ever understand why such a thing happened to me, but yea, I do believe and know that everything happens for a reason, and I know I'll come to know of that reason one day.

I really need to learn to let go - to let go of the past, and of things and situations that have hurt me deeply before.
However, it's really much easier said than done. The wounds may have healed, but the scars are still there to remind one that the past is real.

I'll continue to pray, for I know that so long as I put my faith and trust in God, all things are possible and He will never fail me. (:

So yea, I shall be contented and happy with my results. Yeay for me :D

-Charm.

2011-01-17T01:41:00.000-08:00

To be a dancer.

I really love dancing, and I aspire to be a great dancer one day; to no longer be one of those hiding at the back, constantly being conscious of how I look when I dance, or wanting to just disappear when I miss steps or forget routines.

I regret not taking up dance way back in secondary school and not being able to learn the piano.

Currently having a break from our hall dance camp, and no words can describe how depressed I'm feeling.
I was overwhelmed by the entire choreography I saw just now - it's what I'm supposed to know by now as well for next week's performance.

But no, everything seems so foreign to me.
I'm bogged down by so much that's happening to me and to make things worse, NIE's schedule is so different from NTU's and I'm the only one from NIE there.
Sigh, it's at times like these that I wished I was just a normal university student, it's at times like these that I wished I went in university at the age where everyone else does.

I feel like breaking down right at this moment. I wished Amanda was here with me right now. I don't feel like going down later. Sigh.

-Charm.

2011-01-16T06:44:00.000-08:00

My darling Adeline ♥

Hey people.

My cousin has been discharged from the hospital two days ago (thank God!).

The doctor is very happy and satisfied with how well she's recovering from the operation, and hopefully, the follow-up from hereon i.e. radiotherapy etc. will help her recover fully.
I do believe in miracles, and I know she'll be fine. (:

Anyway, here are some photos taken at the hospital in the past week, of gifts and of the people whom I love most in the world.

So today's only the 16th and I'm already somewhat dead broke lol.
I've done my CNY shopping already, so it's like a load off my shoulder. Damages? Thanks to AX again...
Sigh, there's another dress which I like, but it's $270, seriously. Lol.

I've been buying accessories also, which is really quite unlike me.
Two really sweet hairbands, a pair of mismatch earrings which I oh-so-love, and a vintage-looking cosmetic bag which I decided, is a must to have since I'm now carrying a Gucci bag. I have to learn how to take care of my handbags, and I believe it first starts by having my items neatly placed inside the bag, so yea, all my stuff are pretty much packed nicely into smaller bags inside the Gucci bag.
What's with girls and bags, tsk.

Made a trip to '. wood would..' also and spent quite a lot there on gift-making accessories.
Bought my darling cousin a really beautiful journal for her to pen down her daily thoughts in. (:
It's a really nice shop - my sort of place to be in hehe.
I can literally spend hours in shops like these, browsing through every notebook, card, sticker etc.
There are two outlets, one in The Cathay & the other, The Mandarin Gallery. Do drop by if you're into stationery and such. (:

Sigh.
I know she's trying very hard to resume her daily activities and it's taking a toll on her because she's taking it too hard on herself when she can't do certain things.
We have to keep reminding her that it's been only a week since she went for three major huge-ass operations all at the same time and she's already doing very well.
Take it easy on yourself honey, I'm here okay!

As for myself, I'm not looking forward to February at all. It's when hell begins. I'm just taking things one step at a time, living everyday as it is.
Don't want to think of the amount of shit coming my way, it gives me a migraine.
Okay, enough of my rants for now.

Till the next post, toodles.

-Charm.

2011-01-11T01:10:00.000-08:00

Messed up.

I was in the midst of tutorial today when it just hit me hard that I'm so messed up in all ways and aspects of my life.

So much has happened to me in the past 4 months, and they all just came hitting down hard on me one after another.
I could never fully recover from one downfall before the next one just came, easily sweeping me over like a tidal wave.

At the end of it all, I just find myself in this total mess; a severe state of disequilibrium.

Yea, even till now, I don't really know what to feel, how to behave, what I want, or anything.
I constantly feel depressed inside, just that I seldom show it.

I club to escape. It's where I get lost in the music and I stop thinking for that few hours.

What's making things worse now is that the assignment madness is starting all over again. This time, it's really hell, because everything is crammed into 6 weeks before we are sent out for the much dreaded 10-week practicum.

Oh, there's still HOCC coming up in about 8 weeks, and a dance performance at the end of this month.

I can hardly breathe. I feel like there's no time for anything. There's just so much coming my way.

I have some major soul-searching to do, really.

I don't know how I'm going to sort things out, but I know I have to. Even if it means cutting contact with the rest of the world to just breathe, I will.

Sigh, pray for me.
I really need God right now.

-Charm.

2011-01-10T07:08:00.000-08:00

My flower basket for my darling cousin (:

Hello, I'm back again. Hopefully this post doesn't get deleted in the process, tsk.

So first of all, although 10 days have passed, but yea, I just want to wish all my readers a Happy New Year. May 2011 be a blessed one for each and everyone of you. (:

Today marks the first day of school, and also, my last semester in NIE. Time really flies; it feels as though I just started school yesterday.
Sigh, I'm really not looking forward to graduation because thereafter, it's the real thing already. Teaching, how inspirational.
I do get excited at the thought of making a difference in the paths that cross mine, but I also get demoralized by the thought of the pressure, stress and workload.
I really hope I'll be able to take all challenges faced in my stride and overcome them.

Anyway, a lot has happened recently.
The event which hit me the hardest? - My darling cousin, Adeline, was diagnosed with ear cancer.
I still can't quite accept it fully, and I guess I never will.
She's literally an elder sister to me, in fact, she's one of the most important people in my life ever since I was young.
She went for a major operation on Friday to remove her tumour, and it was a success (I really thank God for answering my prayers).
Ever since then, I've been in and out of the hospital, spending as much as time as I possibly can with her.
All my prayers are for her, my 2011 wishes, everything.
I'd give up anything just for her to be alright, really.
For those of you reading this, please help me pray for her too. (:

I'm down with a very bad flu also, and I've been popping panadol to keep the fever down and away.
I'm starting on my Strepsils spree again.
I think there's an overabundance of random chemicals in my body. -.-
I'm overwhelmed by fatigue these few days, but each time I feel like my body's about to give up on me, I'll think of my cousin, and I know whatever I'm going through cannot be compared to the pain she's in, and that keeps me going.
I'm not going to complain, I'm not going to whine.
Instead, I'll put in an extra effort to try and be there for everyone whom I love.

Her incident just hit me harder in the realization of how vulnerable life is.
I was never good with coping with losses of any kind, and I really hope I won't have to deal with it anywhere in the near future.
I want everyone around me to be healthy and happy, and I'll do all it takes to make it happen.

Pray with me.

P.S. I'm sorry if this post's incoherent, I can't quite think right now, just typing down whatever that comes to mind. (:

Loves,
Charm.

Letters to Juliet

2011-01-03T01:31:00.000-08:00

Dear Claire,

‘What’ & ‘if’ are two words as non-threatening as words can be
But put them together side by side & they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life
‘What if’, ‘What if’, ‘What if’
I don’t know how your story ended
But if what you felt then was true love
Then it’s never too late
If it was true then, why wouldn’t it be true now?
You need only the courage to follow your heart
I don’t know what a love like Juliet’s feels like
A love to leave loved ones for
A love to cross oceans for
But I’d like to believe if I ever were to feel it
That I’d have the courage to seize it
And Claire, if you didn’t
I hope one day that you will.

All my love,
Juliet

2011-01-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain.

I woke up feeling much better - the immense anger I felt last night has subsided. I hope it's really gone and not building up somewhere else inside of me. Actually, I shouldn't worry about it, because I prayed and I knew He was listening to me.

PMS really kills a girl inside, and it's something a guy will never understand until he goes through it himself. Mood swings, fatigue and body aches all coupled together - it's really not something anyone would want to feel all at the same time.

I don't really know what I'm feeling now, but I know I don't want to allow myself to feel anything for today. I feel at peace just curling up in bed underneath my quilt, listening to the sound of the falling raindrops. I feel safe, where no one can hurt me in any way.

Don't feel like talking, putting up a front, smiling or anything.

I hope this rain will never stop.

-Charm.

2011-01-02T07:21:00.000-08:00

I'm really pissed off right now because the entire post that I've worked on for the past two hours just got deleted and there isn't any undo button.

I can't be fucking bothered to type all my thoughts out a second time.

So yea, fuck off.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven

2010-12-07T06:44:00.000-08:00

"This is the fable you will devour when you fall in love. This is the tale you will keep by your side when you are lost. This is the story you will turn to again and again because it possesses the rare magic to let you see yourself and the world anew. This book is a gift to the soul"

-Amy Tan, author of The Bonesetter's Daughter

So I've recently developed the love for reading - never too late to start, so they say.
This is the very first book I've chosen to read, and yes, if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it to you. (:

It's about a man's journey after death - his encounter with 5 people in heaven. With each person he meets, he learns a new lesson.
Here are the five lessons, and what I think of each (:

“All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time…”

Lesson One:
that there are no random acts, that we are all connected, that you can no more separate one life from another than you can separate a breeze from the wind.

[[I really believe that this is true, & that everything happens for a reason. I used to question God about all the ‘unfortunate’ things/events that happened to me, and when I was younger, I even blamed Him for my messed up life. However, if I didn’t go through all that, I would have never been what I am now, someone wiser, much more mature, and simpler. It’s not all that bad to be simple. I guess after going through a certain amount of trials, one would realized that there’s something more to life other than reality and materialism – the want to be happy. At the end of it all, I would want to leave this world knowing that I’ve led a happy life, and tried my very best to bring happiness to others too.]]

Lesson Two:
Sacrifice is a part of life. It’s supposed to be. It’s something to aspire to. Little sacrifices. Big sacrifices. Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you’re not really losing it. You’re just passing it on to someone else.

[[The only sacrifice I’ve ever known and ever made was to wait and let go – to wait for those I love to find their own happiness, and to let go when they do. I think this is the most challenging part of love, to sacrifice. It takes a lot of strength and courage to be able to set the one you love free, to pass on this precious something/someone to someone else, and I’m really amazed at how I’m always able to do that at the end of it all. I know that deep down, God gave me that strength of character, fortitude of mind, love and wisdom to make a difference in the lives that cross my paths, and I’m thankful for that.]]

Lesson Three:
All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces beyond repair.
Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves. Forgive.

[[It took me many years to forgive my parents for the emotional damage they’ve caused me since young. It took me courage to forgive those who have hurt/wronged me before. I’m learning how to forgive even till now, and I think this is one of the most admirable traits a person can have – to have the strength to forgive. When you forgive, you set yourself free – free of hatred, free of chains, and you’d find that you’ll have so much more love in you, and so many more reasons to smile. (:]]

Lesson Four:
Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.
Life has to end. Love doesn’t.

[[I guess this is something I’m still trying to learn and to cope with – with you. I don’t know what will become of us, and it saddens me whenever I think of us and how we used to be, but I’m praying everyday, praying for the strength and courage to embrace this ‘lost’ love, to be able to hold it and dance with it, to not hold any expectations and to be contented. (:]]

Lesson Five:
Children. You keep them safe.

[[Sometimes, I think if I’ve made the right choice to teach. I’m afraid that I’m unable to cope with the stress when the full load comes, and it takes more than just passion to stay in this profession – it requires utmost patience, love and the strength of mind. However, I feel that this is somewhat my calling, knowing that I have the ability and power to make a difference in the lives of others, and probably, to change their lives forever when they grow up to be adults. Children – we were once children, once innocent, once pure. I would do everything in my might to path out a way for those I teach, and I would want to instill values and morals in them, like how my teachers at Marymount did to me. (:]]

2010-12-06T04:28:00.001-08:00

Juliet's house, Verona, Italy

There are some things that I have to do, and I know I have to do them alone.
Not exactly alone, because I know that God is with me always. (:
Lord, I pray that I'll be healed in all ways.

2010-12-04T13:54:00.000-08:00

you are my only hope
but you're so far
and you are my only hope
so come back home
from where you are

sometimes I feel like I was mistaken
you must be an angel
to sit down and teach me what life was all about
I see myself changing
no longer a stranger
you give me a reason to never die

Priorities of life

2010-11-23T00:53:00.000-08:00

To Claire; From Sonny (short film)

2010-11-17T07:47:00.000-08:00

2010-11-15T08:56:00.000-08:00

Hold up, hold on, don't be scared
You'll never change what's been and gone
May your smile shine on
Don't be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm

'Cause all of the stars have faded away
Just try not to worry, you'll see them someday
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

We're all of the stars
We're fading away
Just try not to worry, you'll see us someday
Just take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

2010-10-17T01:42:00.000-07:00

2010-10-13T09:34:00.000-07:00

I will never forgive myself.

2010-10-05T23:44:00.001-07:00

Today,

2010-10-04T17:39:00.003-07:00

Today,

I woke up in tears, and it didn't help, nothing did.

2010-10-04T00:44:00.000-07:00

you said,

we're two pieces fit perfectly
you the moon and I the sun,
& I, the lyrics to your tune.

that you'd hold me close, in your soul
in whatever the world might unfold
even if you couldn't take the pain away
you'd promised that you'll stay

I'm sorry,
I've lost my smile
The stars no longer shine in the night sky bare
I'm crying, and even more so, fear
Because no matter how I wish, you're no longer here

I'm broken inside,
I'm torn apart,
I'm putting up this constant facade
I'm lying to myself to get me by
I wished we never had to say goodbye.

I'm sorry for everything

[Idril.Elrohir]

2010-10-03T17:34:00.000-07:00

Today,

I watched the sky turned light blue, but it didn't help, nothing did.

Celtic Woman - A New Journey - You Raise Me Up

2010-09-23T04:23:00.000-07:00

2010-09-19T06:46:00.001-07:00

"My firearm is my friend, it will not leave my side" -The Happening

2010-09-15T11:27:00.000-07:00

Just a little something.

(untitled)

Till dusk,

A stone statue sits,
Eyes alight by the darkening day,
Willing the dragonfly to listen, to stay.

Water runs deep between, (emotions run/meanings are lost).
Leeking from the gaps of two palms,
seeping into caves of the statue's armour,
Freezing,cracking, unseen.

From dawn,
No hummingbird rests, (symbolic bird, the stopper of time).
When the day is born,
The dragonfly hovers,
towards the spider's web,
admiring, nearing the 'art'of decept.

...the stone statue watches, still, unblinking, aware.

-Blaze

2010-09-14T09:30:00.000-07:00

Untitled.

It's been a long time since I last blogged, and so many things have happened since.

Happy ones? Maybe a few.
Unhappy ones? Quite a lot.

Yet, those who matter don't really seem to understand my insecurities.

I've done what I could.
Let time tell then.

-Charm.

2010-08-23T07:42:00.000-07:00

hell yea.

So procrastination was the sole reason why my blog temporarily died for 2 weeks or so.
It's not my fault, seriously.
... Okay, shut up.

What have I been up to?

Honestly, nothing much.

Main event of last week was the Hall 3 Freshmen Orientation Camp - FOC in short.
Went to help out with their Monster Hunt aka night walk.
Totally scary shit.
They actually booked the old Hendon Camp for the event - completely isolated from civilization, deserted & pitch black at night.
No street lamps, no lights, no nothing.
Relied solely on candles & light sticks for sight. Tsk.

So the theme was based on the World War II, & I played the role of the General's daughter.
I supposedly killed my own father in an attempt to end the war, so yea, the different OGs had to go from station to station to unravel the mystery of the General's murder, only to find out that it was me at the end of it all.

Here's Theodric & I; he was playing the role of a corpse, so that explains his hideous make-up which is actually done by Darren and me LOL.

It was quite an experience I must say, & I was really happy to have met a lot of my hall 3 friends once again.
Only sad thing is, most of them, like me, did not manage to secure a place in hall 3 for next semester. Sigh.

To the drama & dance people, I will keep those wonderful times we had in my heart. Doesn't matter which hall we go to, or how dispersed it gets from hereon, LOVES.

My weekends?
Went out with Joshua, Bryan & baby on Saturday - with nowhere in mind.
Ended up at the Esplanade, listening to the horrific sounds of the bands at Baybeats.
Seriously, they should really listen to themselves first before even stepping onto a stage to perform.
It's like, I don't know, can't decide if I'd prefer listening to them sing/perform or listening to the drilling noises during a renovation/construction or whatever.
Oh, & their songs don't even make any sense?
There was this one song which only had 2 words - Isolation & Prison.
Like, what the fuck right?

I guessed the only three things I enjoyed about our Esplanade outing was the company, the night view & the fireworks. :D

Oh, & I battled a terrible sore throat throughout the entire weekend.
Life lost its meaning in those few days when I wasn't able to eat chilli.
All the food tasted bland. -.-
Good thing is, I've more or less recovered from it, it's my nose that's acting up now.
Incoming flu alert.

Yea, that's pretty much it.
Till then.

-Charm.

2010-08-08T22:08:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday Singapore!

Yea, today marks 45 years of independence for my beloved country, Singapore.
It's at the same time, my grandmother's birthday! (:

To my grandmother & to Singapore:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

My family will be having dinner with grandma later.
Hopefully, we'll be able to watch the fireworks from wherever we are, but it's highly unlikely. Tsk tsk.

The entire weekend has been great, though it meant just staying over at baby's place, but then again, time spent together with him never seems quite enough (:

& yes, as you might have guessed, my TA is finally OVER!
5 weeks of immense pressure, countless sleepless nights, tears & joy.
I must admit that the entire journey was rather intolerable, considering all the observations we had, the lesson plans, & everything else factored in.
However, now that it has all ended, it was indeed a very meaningful learning journey for me, one which enabled me to learn a lot from it, at the same time, better preparing me to be a teacher.

Not forgetting my students!
They are truly a lovable bunch, and I find myself already missing them so much. ):
I made personalized cards for every single one of them as a farewell gift; very time consuming I must say.
However, it was all worth it, to see the smiles on their faces. :)
Not sure if I'll be able to do such things next time, considering the fact that I will have more than one class.
Oh well, I shan't think of that now.
Here's how the cards look like:

Awesome right, I know. Teehee.
& for the second time in my teaching life, I teared in class.
Actually, I was really trying my best to control my tears when I gave out the cards to them, one by one.
Then, I felt the tears clouding my vision when they came up to me, giving me cards and presents in return too.
Sigh, and I finally teared when my CT presented me a bouquet of roses in front of the entire class.

It was really an emotional scene, and one of my girls started crying quite badly too.
I must say that I really felt very touched by it all.
It's moments like these which make me feel that I'm really proud to be a teacher; that teaching is indeed a meaningful and noble profession.
It's also moments like these which make me feel that all the frustrations, anger, stress & what not makes it all worthwhile, when my students actually know how much I've done for them, and they appreciate my efforts.

It really isn't easy being a teacher, and I must salute all teachers for their passion, and having such a great influence in their students' lives.
I was truly inspired by my teachers when I was a student, hence wanting to become one myself, in hope that I will one day make a difference in the lives of others as well.

Although it isn't going to be an easy path ahead, I am determined to embrace it all and overcome whatever obstacles that come in my way, for life really isn't about weathering the storm, but rather, learning how to dance in the rain. (:

-Charm.

2010-08-02T04:50:00.000-07:00

LOL, yes Charm, I am enjoying your country's food. Went to some place called Crystal Jade the other day. Visited Jurong recently as well :). Chicken rice = sexy.

I'll post up some photos I managed to take at Jurong bird park later, perhaps. :)

-Blaze

2010-08-02T02:56:00.000-07:00

freedom (:

4 more days to my official freedom!
I'll miss my kids though, they're a nice bunch to teach (if you minus out all the observations).
So yea, I owe a lot of people meet-up sessions, which I will so fulfill starting from next week onwards.

By the way, my darling Blaze is in Singapore. (:
Enjoying my country's food huh?
I couldn't agree more.
The food in Singapore pawns the food in London anytime.
LOL.
Okay, goodbye.

-Charm.

2010-07-28T03:39:00.000-07:00

You will always be remembered, rest in peace..

Upon browsing facebook, I saw the birthday prompt/notification that it was my friend, Hau Teck Tan's birthday today.
For a moment, I tried to recall who this person was & upon clicking on his profile, I saw his profile picture, which is the very lovable turtle you see above.
At that very instance, I knew who he was already.
What shocked me the most, was that all his birthday messages ended off with statements along the lines of "I hope you're happier now, wherever you are", "RIP my dear friend", "you will always be remembered" etc.
It was then that I started to scroll all the way down to his page, and realized that he had already passed on, on December 18th or 19th 2009, from the posts made by his friends/family.
I don't really know how to describe what I'm feeling - he's the second friend I know who has left this mortal realm.

He was an online friend I got to know a long time ago, when I was still into MapleStory. I can vividly remember his character as he left me a deep impression, of one who had a great deal of perseverance and would never give up till he got what he was looking for, even if it meant days or weeks, in the same map, doing the same crap for hours.
I sort of admired his perseverance and we started a conversation from there, leading to the start of our friendship.

I've never known him very well, or the least, met him before.
However, through the times I talked to him, he was one who always gave me encouragement, one who never hesitated to help in anyway possible.
I remembered how the both of us were crazy over the roller coaster kingdom game on facebook in the past, and how he always helped me by visiting my theme park.
He was one, who gave out his best to help, even if it was the smallest request.

His passing on has re-asserted the fact that life is so unpredictable, one too short for regrets.
To everyone reading this, treasure every living moment, & live every single day like it were your last.
Take every opportunity to tell the people you love how important they are to you, for you will never know when they will be gone.

I'm sorry I only came to know this piece of sad news so late.
To a good friend TurtleT, as how I've always known you, rest in peace.
God will bless you, & take care of you, wherever you are now.

With love,
-Charm.

2010-07-24T21:53:00.000-07:00

2 more weeks to go...

It's yet another Sunday.
I barely scraped past last week, definitely one of the most hellish weeks I've ever had in my life, sleeping a mere 3 hours for every 24hrs; The days never crept by so slowly before, neither did they felt so long & draggy.

To know how bad it was, I actually had dark eye circles, for the very first time.
No matter how often I bitch about the lack of sleep and how I'm overwhelmed by fatigue, I will never get dark eye circles, & to think I actually have them this time?
& no, baby didn't help much, he said, "Welcome to Life." -_-
No, that's not life, that's hell.

Spent the weekend catching up with the loss of sleep.
Felt really good I must say, however, I still find myself constantly tired.
Well, at least my dark eye circles are gone for now; PLEASE stay that way forever.

So I'm done with one formal observation by my supervisor - I think it was depressing, like major.
Sigh, anyway, I shall put the unhappy week behind and gear up for the next.
I really do hope it'll be better next week.

You'd never know how much I'm looking forward to August 6th.
It's the day the skies will be blue, the butterflies start to flutter, the birds begin to sing, and the world's colourful all once again.
So fairytale right?
Yea, I'm currently at the part of the story where the wicked witch makes me really miserable and everything's just black and gray.
So August 6th is when my prince charming comes and saves the damsel in distress & I'll live happily ever after.

Seriously, don't know where that came from LOL.
Sigh, okay, I'm done for now.

Till next week then, bye.

-Charm.

2010-07-17T22:39:00.000-07:00

Save me.

Two weeks have past since I stepped into hell.
Sadly, the crucial part is only next week.
Sigh, save me someone.
Totally dread the next 3 weeks.
I'm hanging by a thread.

P.S. Blaze, stop making me jealous with all the beautiful flowers that only seem to exist 10,000 miles away. :(

-Charm.

2010-07-17T13:59:00.000-07:00

'sadly, the birds kept flying away and thus, I could not take any pictures of them, ending up with the photos above instead. ):

-Blaze.

2010-07-04T22:51:00.000-07:00

The picture says it all...

Yes, the end is near, in fact, the end is TOMORROW.

It's all over...

I cannot imagine having to deal with:

1) young BOYS
2) graded classroom observations
3) neighbourhood school kids on the whole

KILL ME.

Goodbye ):

If I survive, good for me, if I don't, you will not hear from me in the next 5 weeks.

WHINES.
CRIES.
SULKS.
WHATEVER.

-Charm.

2010-07-01T06:21:00.000-07:00

love, love, love (:

Hi earth dwellers,

I'm counting down the remaining of my days in heaven before I descend back to hell again.
To be exact, that'll be in another 4 days.
Sigh.

Okay, random updates:

1) I've managed to get a card reader & have uploaded our Genting photos but they look kind of weird except for the one above which I absolutely love.

2) I'll have to photoshop the rest before uploading them here & on facebook.

3) As I've mentioned, hell begins in 4 days time, in MFPS. It'll be my very first experience in a neighbourhood school. Okay, I was from a neighbourhood school in my secondary school days but I guess being a teacher in one is a totally different thing.

4) I cannot imagine having to teach students like myself LOL. However, I guess the consolation is that it's a primary school, so the kids are supposedly not that notorious yet.

5) I do hope I have a nice mentor.

6) I hyper-ventilate each time I think about my TA aka teaching assistantship.

7) I've finished two seasons of gossip girl. Something is stopping me from watching the 3rd season but I've yet to figure out what.

8) Bershka & everywhere else are having MAD sales & I'm depressed because I'm in the "see but cannot buy" kind of situation.

9) I've finally completed my cross-stitch for Sanah & I'm very proud of my accomplishment:

10) I'm currently in the midst of building my Baking Life empire in facebook, just like how I established my CafeWorld. Total no life I know.

11) I've reached my 1000th tweet on twitter.

12) Baby's birthday is COMING & I've yet a clue on what to buy or do for his birthday.

13) Okay, he wants an LV belt but that's too expensive for now.

14) I'm missing my baby.

15) Been dota-ing my life away with a bunch a crazy lame idiots.

16) That's all for now.

17) Bye.

-Charm.

2010-06-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

LOL no, this won't turn into a tagboard Charm, I just felt like posting something that time so... 8D...

Excuse the late reply, had been busy with my new job the past week x_x.

But yeah, Hi, haven't spoken to you for awhile (:.

-Blaze.

2010-06-24T03:20:00.001-07:00

Someday
I'll wish upon a star
& wake up
where the clouds are far behind me
where troubles melt like lemon drops
away above the chimney tops
& that's where you'll find me

-Charm.

2010-06-21T21:10:00.000-07:00

peek-a-boo blaze (:

Is this turning into a tagboard as well?
LOL.

-Charm.

2010-06-21T08:00:00.001-07:00

Boo.

2010-06-20T22:46:00.001-07:00

It's okay to have something to do.
But it's not okay if you make me feel any less important when you have that something to do.

-Charm.

2010-06-20T00:05:00.000-07:00

Family portrait for my brother's doctorate (:

Hi loves! I'm in an extremely delightful mood today; I'm all smiles!
Had a great father's day with my family @ the hilltop and thereafter, we went to collect the photos! Isn't the above photo oh-so-awesome?!
Obviously, the above canvas photo costs $600, how can it not be awesome. tsk.

There are two others - one of the doctorate holder himself & the other, another family portrait with my grandmother & my brother's girlfriend:

Teehee, naise or what.
I'm very proud of my brother's academic achievements, like I really feel happy for him.
I just hope that he's able to see that money is not everything & lead a happier life.

Next, the genting trip was great!
We took quite a lot of photos using the camera baby's mum gave him, only to realize that there isn't any USB cable to connect it to the computer LOL.
Hence, I can't upload any photos for the moment till we find a solution.
I only took two photos of us using my phone's camera:

taken while waiting to check-in

taken while queuing up for theme park tickets

So the weather in genting is really nice.
It's like not-so-cold winter, but baby was literally freezing.
Some noob baby whining about his must-have winter coat to look damn cool & protect his bones from the cold.
LOL
I nearly bought strawberry earmuffs because they were super cute.
Then again, I realized that there would be no use for them after the trip so I decided not to waste the money.

Planning to go to Sunway Lagoon next!
Idk, I think that there's just something about me and theme parks LOL.

I guess that's pretty much for now.
Spending the remaining of my holidays watching serials & chiong-ing my cross-stitch for my donkey Sanah.
Yes, I love cross-stitching, and I feel this total sense of accomplishment each time I complete one.
It requires utmost patience to actually complete a piece of cross stitch, and many of my girlfriends envy me for having that tolerance, lol.
Here are the stitches I've done so far:

Yea, I'm very in love with precious moments.
The one I'm currently doing is precious moments too! :D
Will upload the photo when I'm done with it!

Okay, bye people!

-Charm.

2010-06-13T22:02:00.000-07:00

Genting! (:

As you might have guessed after looking at the above photo (obvious like shit), the genting trip is happening! :D
When?
TOMORROW HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Yea, baby and I will embark on our first ever overseas trip tomorrow till Thursday.
Okay, it's not like over the seas kind of holiday trip but still, it's out of the country!
We've always wanted to go somewhere since last year but it never happened till now, so yea, I'm really happy and excited about it. (:

Will promise to take loads of peektures and upload them when I'm back.
For now, toodles!

-Charm.

2010-06-03T23:23:00.000-07:00

the XX XX & the XX XY (:

Just learnt that my xdd aka Jason has broken up with his girlfriend of 2 years.
I must admit that I was quite shocked upon hearing the news because I thought that they were doing very well as a couple.
So he told me that things took a turn and went downhill with constant arguments.

Then, our conversation diverse and we soon found ourselves talking about the male & female species:

Charm.♥ says:
actually we girls are very very simple
really
we just want our our bfs to pamper from time to time
the smallest things make us really happy
we don't expect like big things u know

Jason|t says:
don't say only hor
as time goes by
you girls demand this and that!
:@

Charm.♥ says:
LOL
you're wrong
it's you guys slack over time
then you become not as romantic as when you all were woo-ing us that time
then we girls expect things to stay constant
like you all cannot just because long already then slack until damn happy
we always want that sparkle from time to time

Jason|t says:
we want understanding
tt the woo-ing part is over
lol

Charm.♥ says:
LOL
then why treat us like goddesses when you claim how much you love us but then after you've gotten us we become mere humans again
like
you can't bring someone to the heavens
and suddenly just let us fall from there
no one can adjust to that

Jason|t says:
LOL
TRUE
BUT GUYS ARE GUYS
lol
we work to the fullest to get something
but we might not cherish tt something

Charm.♥ says:
ya
then you all get off the hook by saying
"all guys are like that one"
and just leave us to bite that and accept it
we girls are not unreasonable at all
we just stick to facts and logic
like even you think is true
so you have to give us time to accept things
and reason out
you know what i mean
and we, knowing you guys are guys
and wun stay the same before and afer
we do accept that you know, really.
just that sometimes we want you all to be like the "past" you
just once in awhile
treat us like goddesses once again
but by then, to you all, we are "demanding" too much already
LOL

Jason|t says:
see
you understand it so well
why can't u accept it
LOL

Charm.♥ says:
LOL
you're not MAKING SENSE or being rational here
don't just escape by "GUYS ARE GUYS" okay
lousy excuse
LOL

Jason|t says:
i nvr ok
is just tt
this is human ba

So there's the constant debate about the XX & the XY chromosomes.
I feel that it's also because of the innate differences that cause majority of break ups and quarrels.
I guess that a girl will never truly understand what a guy thinks and feels unless she is a guy herself, and vice versa for a guy.
Then again, we all know that such things are impossible.
So there's the COMPROMISE.
One simple word which means so much more.
How much are you willing to compromise for the one you love? (:

I'm glad that after the hurdles, my relationship is rather stable now, except for occasional arguments and disagreements.
Other than that, we do try to compromise every now and then.

I just want to say, to every single one of you reading this, that nothing is impossible to overcome, and as cliche as it sounds, great love truly overcomes all other negative feelings and obstacles.
You just have to believe, and more than that, hold on to what you believe in.

To my baby,
I LOVE YOU!

me & you,
just us two ('v')

-Charm.

2010-06-02T11:24:00.000-07:00

They came out nice this year,

for once.

2010-05-31T22:00:00.000-07:00

Sparkies (:

Dear Sparkie,

This post is dedicated to you. (:

First of all, although it's been like 5 days after your actual day, still, because this is a birthday post, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D

Hehe, it's gonna be as random as it gets, because there's too much we've been through together as besties to be written into mere words, and also, I'm eating my pork porridge for lunch so please feel honoured that I'm typing this post for you now. LOL.

We've known each other for like, 14 years and still counting?
I think we deserve an applause or maybe even a standing ovation for that.
I mean, how many friends can actually stay as best friends for that long and still be oh-so-close for this long.
Nah, not many, and for that, I think we're amazing. (:

Sparkie, I think you're doing very well as a person, one who has gone through so much to be where you are now.
I just wanna say that no matter what difficulties you might face, I'll be there for you, like how I've always been. (:
Don't be too tensed up about the future, because we never know what's to happen tomorrow.
I don't mean that you shouldn't plan ahead, but rather, plan ahead and enjoy the entire process, instead of constantly being bogged down by the age factor, or whether you will succeed or fail, or how much money there is etc.
You get the picture yea (:
Life's too short for that much to worry.
Live everyday like it's your last, and treasure every moment with the people you love!

I hope you've had a blessed birthday with all the people around you!

I love you sparkie!
Mwahs(:

-Charm.

2010-05-25T19:59:00.000-07:00

Sentosa with my babe (:

Hi earthlings!
So I went to Sentosa yesterday with Candi to walk around and 'explore' the place.
Had loads of fun cam-whoring, laughing, talking, bitching, and doing all the random things.
Pictures pictures!

So if you'd realized, 99% of the photos are just me.
Candi doesn't really like to take pictures you see, so it's like, me and Candi's camera.
Awesome.

On a random note, it's Sparkie's birthday tomorrow.
She msn-ed me and said, "remember to wish me on facebook ah."
LOL oh my, of course I will!
I'll dedicate a post to you as well. :D

Gonna have my IELTS test tomorrow and on coming Saturday, total waste of my life only please.

Oh, and xdd and I just pawned this bunch of faggots in dota for 2 rounds.
Kept on asking us to "watch out", and xdd replied saying "yup we'll watch you leave."
HAHA, totally http://www.gg.com.sg please.

Hmmm I've been having totally happy dreams for the past few nights consecutively.
Some, I remember, the rest, I don't, but I know they're happy dreams.
Makes me totally happy when I wake up. :D
I don't mind dreaming sweet dreams every night!

Like such a random post.
My thoughts are all happy and jumbled.
Just typing whatever that comes to mind.

LOL.

Oh, and I finally tried KOI bubble tea yesterday.
Tastes okay luh, but not that fantastic until I go OOOH and you go WOW.
I had their chocolate milk tea, which really tastes more like chocolate malt.
Okay, their pearls are good.
However, they filled like almost half the cup with pearls, like free like that. -.-
I really wonder what would happen if you requested for double pearls.
I think they'll give you one whole separate cup of pearls and another cup with your drink in it. HAHA.
Shall try other drinks next time, that is, when I have the patience to queue up for it. (:

-End of random post with random thoughts-
Byebye!

-Charm.

2010-05-24T06:17:00.000-07:00

Sigh.
I'm feeling all depressed again.
My heartbeat hastens each time I think about it.
This wait is torturous, this silence, treacherous.
Give me an outcome, be it good or bad.
I can never truly be happy till this burden is lifted off my back.

I've sent an e-mail.
Tell me something.
I need to know that there's at least some progress.

-Charm.

2010-05-20T02:16:00.000-07:00

2010-05-13T07:48:00.000-07:00

I'm more or less done with the first week of my DUE course - Digital Storytelling.

I'm done with my story.
It's entitled - Dancing in the Rain.
The story portrays my life actually; it's mostly true except for the part about the untimely investments. I made that up because I wasn't willing to share what really happened with the rest of the cohort taking this same module.
Thanks to Sanah for helping me with my story.
Here it is, enjoy (:

If there is one lesson I have learnt about life, it’s that life is not about weathering the storm, but rather, learning how to dance in the rain. I was brought up in a comfortable and sheltered environment, never having to worry about what was happening outside the little world my parents created for me. It was by all means a happy childhood and one filled with beautiful memories that I treasure.

Looking back, however, I realize that such a closeted lifestyle brought with it unexpected challenges. I grew up believing that there was only one path towards success, that of excellent academic qualifications and eventually, an accomplished career. To me, every other path was equivalent to failure. My ultimate goal was to have my graduation picture placed onto my grandmother's shelf, alongside my other outstanding cousins.

Life threw obstacles in my way, however, and I found it harder and harder to hold on to my dream. A number of untimely investments landed my family in straitened financial circumstances. Arguments soon ensued and my once secure and happy household felt like a battlefield, one wrought with tears and bitterness. To make matters worse, these problems coincided with my ‘A’ level examinations and I found it almost impossible to concentrate on my studies. Having never dealt with such a situation before, I struggled immensely to handle my emotions.

As a consequence, my grades suffered and this was the defining blow. I couldn’t enter any local universities and I shut all other alternatives out. I watched my peers move on while I remained stranded, not knowing what to do, or where to go next. Failure was a bitter pill to swallow and I spiraled into depression. Fearful of facing my failure, I became withdrawn and shied away from meeting friends, relatives and people in general.

The turning point came when I started working. Initially, it was just a means of escaping the fact that I had run into a dead end. However, the working world opened my eyes through the people I interacted with. They came from more troubled backgrounds and had even fewer academic opportunities than I did, yet they were much happier people. I was quite puzzled at first but after spending time with them, it dawned upon me that these people were happy not because they were resigned to their fates, but because they had the courage to face difficulties and the wisdom to learn from them.

It was then that I came to understand that happiness truly is a state of mind and an attitude that I needed to embrace. I knew that I had to stop viewing myself as a failure and the moment I did, doors started opening for me. I took the first step towards change by reassessing what I wanted in life and walking towards it with an open mind.

Although this entire process took three years, I do not regret it because I learnt a valuable lesson that might take some others a lifetime to learn, and that is - how to dance in the rain.

-Charm.

2010-05-07T06:51:00.000-07:00

Say hi to my loves (:

Did anyone mention about the weather being too HOT?
Oh, it must be at least the 100th time you're hearing about the weather huh, I see.
Don't understand what's with the sun, the heat, and the global warming.
Seriously, it's getting hotter each year, and it's just pissing everyone off.
Singaporeans can do away with the heater already, there's no longer any practical use for it.
Why?
Because normal tap water feels like water warmed up after switching on the heater.
Fuck this weather, seriously.

Anyway, it's an extremely lazy Friday with absolutely nothing to do.
Been lazing around all day, all fat and lazy (according to baby).
Quite happy with myself this week, caught up with loves whom I've not seen for ages, like Candi and May.
Oh, and I went to Timbre last night too with Kenny, Zb, Aaron and Amanda.
Let the peektures do the talking! (:

Do the food & drinks look all delicious and yummy?
Yea, they're good.
Total damages - $200++

So I was asking them, "What if we asked for the bill and told them that we did not have any money to pay, will we be on the headlines tomorrow?"
LOL

Scenario:
Bill comes, no money, police comes, finds out we're all teachers, lets out the news, headlines, joke of the century. Hmm.

Then again, the government, being THE government, might just cover it up.

By the way, it was just a hypothetical question. We had money and we PAID.

What's up next week?
Will be having my DUE course/camp everyday from 9am to 4pm for like 10 days.
Seriously, is there THAT much stuff to learn or do?
Crazy bunch of idiots.

On a happier note, payday is next week, and I'm gonna catch up with more people whom I've not seen since forever.

That's pretty much about it for now.
In the meantime, enjoy the coming weekend bitches.

-Charm.

2010-05-02T03:12:00.000-07:00

It's been forever since I last updated, coolest.
Why?
I guess we call this the post exams syndrome, where you have all the time in the world, but you end up doing nothing at all.
Yea, that pretty much sums up my life ever since my exams ended 1 week plus ago.

I've been staying over at baby's very often - slacking at his place, cleaning up his room regularly, ironing his clothes, and surfing the net.
Haven't been going out much - financial crisis (it's the end of the month), and I've been feeling rather anti-social these days too.
I don't know why I'm like that also, just don't feel like meeting friends, or talking, or even doing anything.
Okay, maybe I still talk to a few, but selectively.

I think the case is unknowingly affecting me, although it's been awhile already.
However, I don't think I can fully be alright so long as there's no outcome.
Sigh, we'll just have to wait and see.

On a lighter note, I've been posted to Mayflower Primary School for my teaching assistantship.
I've had experience in a prestigious school, and now, I'm going to have a taste of what teaching in a neighbourhood school will be like.
I just hope that everything will turn out fine, and that I'll be able to adapt to the environment. (:

Gonna meet Candi tomorrow, haven't seen that girl in ages.
Gonna meet cupcake on Tuesday, haven't seen her in eons too.

I'm looking forward to payday; I'm planning to go Genting with baby, a short getaway.
I think I need it, and I want it too.
I think it'll be loads of fun, I think it'll be awesome.
I so can't wait!

-Charm.

2010-04-22T05:33:00.000-07:00

Crossroads.

I had my last paper today.
On one hand, a part of me feels relieved because it's all over, and I'm free once again.
On the other hand, a part of me feels very down, because all that's left to do now is to wait for the bomb to go off.
Although the recent assignments and papers stressed me out, they were a source of distraction for me, to keep my mind off the case.
Now that everything is officially over, all that's left is the case, all that's left is to wait.

Once, I stood at the crossroads for a long, long time, not knowing which direction to take.
Then, I found my direction, and I walked the path, starting anew.
Now, I'm afraid of facing the crossroads again; I don't want to be in that state of loss that I was once in.

After today's paper, there's even lesser hopes of achieving my initial goal.
Maybe I should just lower my expectations, maybe I should just give up on my dreams.
Then maybe, just maybe, I might feel less burdened.

But then again, will I feel happier?

I don't know.

I feel like crying again.

-Charm.

2010-04-19T08:14:00.000-07:00

Bunny Loves (:

Hi people, it's the start of yet another week.
Hmm, so all my assignments are finally done.
Most of my papers are over too.
In fact, I'm only left with Math paper on coming Thursday and I'm officially free thereafter.

From all my previous rants, you'd probably think that I will be feeling all fluttery and happy.
Yea, I thought so too.
However, something terrible happened early last week, and yea, I don't look forward to holidays anymore.
Every single day feels like a time bomb, I'm just waiting for it to explode.
I know whatever outcome is better than being pronounced dead, but I just feel helpless, hopeless, moodless, whatever ~less whenever I think of the other outcomes as well.
I know they're not as bad, but still, bad enough for me..
Sigh, I don't know why must such a thing happen to me.
However, I'm thankful for all the support and love everyone has given me in this period of time.
At least I've stopped crying already. (:

Anyway, I promised an entry of my V-day present for baby, so here it is!
I actually D.I.Y an entire planner for him; every single thing is hand drawn except for the printed notes.
I thought that it would be a thoughtful gift, one to signify the start of his new school term, for him to jot down important notes, assignments and examination dates.

So I bought this plain and pretty black book from Stationery Island:

First page: The title, hand-drawn. I'm quite proud of myself actually teehee.
If you're gonna ask me what does "FEFC" means, then don't bother. It's a special meaning only baby and I know (:

2nd page: Overview of 2010 calendar with all the holidays highlighted.
I think holidays are what every student look forward to, like totally important dates to remember haha.

3rd page: Baby's V-day note.

4th page onwards: Monthly planners all hand-drawn with all the birthdays of every single friend baby has on facebook, not forgetting our monthly anniversaries, represented by a heart sticker teehee (:

After the 12 monthly planners is the 'Notes' section, for baby to scribble or jot down important stuff.
Each page is printed out, with a different love message at the bottom of each note page. (:

After the 'Notes' section comes the 'Messages' section, with a different message for baby for different moods.
For example, if he's feeling grumpy and frumpy, he reads note 2, which is meant for that kind of mood, whereas if he's feeling all happy, he reads note 1.
Yea, you get the idea.
Note: It's really not an easy task to think of so many notes at one go, sigh, I'm so thoughtful. :X

Lastly, it's the "Our Journey" section, with all our photos taken from the very start of our relationship till now. (:

Yea, so that's a preview of what I did, awesome or what.
It took me a lot of time and effort to do this present, and I'm glad it's a success!

Other random stuff:
Lin's staying over at my place today. In fact, she's already asleep.

Candi called today, I'm happy for her. There's finally a finale to all the drama over a guy who is totally not worth waiting for. Hang in there babe, you can and WILL get over that asshole. (:

Studied a little today.
Seriously, I'm already in the slacking mode, I do not deny that haha.

Met up with Sanah on Friday, had Pizza Hut for dinner.
We ordered that new ultimate cheesy pizza thing with supposedly, A LOT of cornflakes on the crust as shown in the advertisements.
Yea right, BULLSHIT.
It's rather pathetic actually, a few crumbs here and there. Sheesh.
Okay I won't complain, because the pizza wasn't that bad overall.
In fact, I quite enjoyed it. Hehe.
So here's my donkey and our food:

Agenda for tomorrow:
1. See my skin doctor.
2. Go to school and study.
3. Meet baby.
4. See my baby bunnies!

I don't think I'll magically turn productive at this hour of the night, after slacking for like, 6 hours?
Lol, I shall just accept the fact that I'm totally brain dead and go to sleep.
I'll chiong tomorrow!

Goodnight loves, wish me luck for my paper. (:

-Charm.

2010-04-10T19:46:00.000-07:00

Say hi to Furball, my new Mini Lionhead bunny. (:

So here I am again, after one hellish week of papers.
The PMS, mood-less, & stressed up moments didn't help at all. Oh well.

Spent the entire weekend preparing for the upcoming battle next week - DSM & DSS papers on Tuesday, DCS assignment due on Friday.
Sigh, I so look forward to 22nd April - the day I'm free!

Anyway, I think the only happy thing that happened this week was the addition of a new family member to my little bunny family - Furball. (:
He's about the same age as Fatty, and I'm really glad they didn't fight at first sight.
It took a little while for both of them to warm up to each other, and they're like best friends now. Lol.

The only thing that irritates me is the toilet training part.
Not so much of the poop though, it's the urine that makes me feel all zzz.
I'll give the both of them till May, if they're still peeing all over after that, I'll just fill the entire cage with bedding.
It's a total waste of water, tissue, and disinfecting spray.
I'd rather not save on the bedding if it continues like that.

Other than that, they're all cute and cuddly.
My friends are so in love with them, all wanting to visit the two after the examination period.
Coolest. :D

Here are more pictures of my two balls.
Enjoy :)

I might be going for a cycle at Pasir Ris Part later with baby.
However, it all depends on his lower back.
He's suffering from aches at that area due to a run he had earlier this week.
I hope he's feeling better today.

Okay, I'm going back to mug.
How no-life is that, seriously.
Will upload photos of baby's V-day present in my next post.
I find this post too lengthy already. Lol.

See ya~

-Charm.

2010-04-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

My new bunny, Fatty. :D

Hi people.
It's an excessively boring Saturday, thanks to the 2 papers I have on Monday.

My assignments and papers are like tidal waves.
They just keep coming, one wave after the other.
The next wave starts on Monday.
3 papers next week -.-
Don't even want to mention the week after, it's worse.

Anyway, I shall not allow myself to be depressed on a Saturday night.
Let's talk about happy things instead :D

I've always wanted to buy a display shelf to place in baby's room.
Reason: To display all the presents I have given him since we got together; my precious moments sewing, D.I.Y cards etc.
So after waiting for about 1 year plus, we finally got one from IKEA!
His mommy is coming over tomorrow to help us do up the shelf. It requires drilling you see. Teehee.
Can't wait to put up all my presents and proudly showcase them. (:

Next, I've completed baby's oh-so-belated V-day present!
If you ask me, I think it's simply awesome!
I'm still thinking if I should post pictures of it here or at baby's personal blog.
If I do decide to post them here, then you'll get to see them in my next post :D

Third happy thing - baby bought me a baby bunny!
Yea, it's a real rabbit, a Netherland Dwarf bunny.
We have decided to name it Fatty because it's small, round, cute and fat.
I will be buying another rabbit soon to accompany Fatty!
Enjoy the photos of my new love (:

Okay, that's all for now.
Will update again after I've fought the battle next week.
Till then. (:

-Charm.

2010-04-01T13:38:00.000-07:00

~~"What it means to 'live'."~~

-Blaze.

2010-03-30T21:17:00.000-07:00

The most awesome durian mousse cake in Singapore (:

Yea, that's a slice of the best durian mousse cake in Singapore, from Goodwood Park Hotel.
Pearlyn specially delivered it to me to cheer me up, when I was feeling all depressed and bogged down by the 3 assignments, which are due today.
Thanks Pearl! :D

So, as I've mentioned in my previous post, I can't wait for Wednesday to come.
Guess what.

It's Wednesday!!
That means:

1) DSS Lab Report completed.
2) DCM Reflections completed.
3) DCM Lesson Plan completed.

Yeay! I feel liberated, as though a huge burden has been lifted off my back. (:

So, I'm going to finish my special assignment today, by hook or by crook.
It's 31st March and baby has been patiently waiting for it. Teehee.

Shall not waste anymore time, work work!

-Charm.

2010-03-28T07:33:00.000-07:00

My ever-so-adorable niece, who's putting on weight like nobody's business. :o

Hi earthlings, I'm back.

It's a gloomy Sunday night.
Why?
Sunday nights = Incoming Monday blues.
Nah, not good at all.

Okay, so I can't wait for Wednesday to come - that would mean all my 3 assignments are due and I would have completed them and handed them in by then.
Poof! End of major assignment woes.
Alright, not exactly the end because there's an even shittier one, some Literature review on Science education.
Like seriously, screw it.
However, that's due on 16th April so I shall not fret over that for now.
Sigh, I really detest pedagogical modules' assignments.
Totally suck TTM.

Anyway, here's a summary of my weekend:

Friday
Had my Science teaching presentation in the morning and I'm just glad it's over.
Headed towards town with Pearlyn and Ms Teo after that for lunch and lingerie shopping. :D
Oh, Ms Teo drove me to RGPS before that and I got to see some of my lovely girls.
Sigh, honestly speaking, I do miss my contract teaching days quite a bit.
My girls are simply adorable, and the teachers there are awesome (except for a few anal ones).
I should be going back again some time next week.
I really hope I'll get to see more familiar faces. (:

Anyway, back to lingerie shopping.
Ms Teo and I bought the same panties in different colours, and there was this joke going on about us wearing the exact same ones on the same day and using some code to signal each other LOL.
And no, I'm not gonna post pictures of my new lingerie.

Headed to King's Hotel in the evening to accompany mummy for dinner.
Apparently, she was there to represent her company in a dinner event organized by this association, made up of quite a few companies in the sewing/fabric industry.
I've never seen so many old people all together before, other than in the old folk's home, lol.

The nightmare began when they all started taking turns to sing karaoke. -_-
Yea, you get the idea - those ancient Chinese/Hokkien songs.
They were literally shouting or screaming into the microphone - couldn't really tell the difference.
It was all too atrocious.
Well, I tried my best not to laugh. -.-
I guessed what kept me alive and going was the food there.
I loved the abalone most ;D
Each of us got to have one whole piece to ourselves. Yummy!

Saturday
Went over to Meizhen's house in the afternoon to seek help for my DCM lesson plan.
She painted this whole picture for me but seriously, I don't think anything went in those ears/brain of mine.
I did jot down whatever she said though, and I think it'll slowly unfold as I start on it.

I'm just all flustered and hyper-ventilating for no apparent reason that's all.
Yet again, that's very typical of me, to worry for nothing. -.-
Anyway, I got to see my new born nephew, Qiao An, for the first time, and he's so tiny and cute.
I've got a new target to traumatize already, teehee.
Presenting Qian An:

Headed to town after that to watch Denise perform.
NIE dance fusion had a dance showcase at the Heeren, and I'm surprised that quite a lot of NIE people went down to support.
Eugenia and I were one of the first few to arrived, and I just stood at the front of the stage to reserve the best viewing spot.
KIASU TTM. LOL.

Evidence:

Yea, those are my belongings on the floor haha.
I think I'm one of the very few capable of such "buay paiseh" acts LOL.

More random photos:

Today

Went to Cheryl's house with baby and Joshua for a game of MJ.
This is by far the most depressing game I've played.
Only managed to win one game in one entire round, how pathetic is that. -.-
Totally lost my mood towards the last few games, sigh.

Yea, that's about it.
Gonna finish all 3 assignments tomorrow, YES I WILL.
Pain in the neck.
Can't wait for these 3 bitches to be over and done with.

I'm more or less done with my rants.
Till then.

-Charm.

2010-03-23T01:46:00.001-07:00

Happy flowers from my loves! (:

Aloha (:

Won't be updating that often from now till next month because of schoolwork madness - upcoming presentations and examinations.

Looking back, I can only describe this entire semester in one word - Insanity.
Pedagogical modules which totally suck, dance for HO closing, drama special production, assignments which make no sense, weird tests, family, and everything else - you get the idea.

I don't think I've ever been this committed to school before, not in my primary, secondary or even JC days.
However, despite all the late-night practices and the need to meet ridiculous deadlines, it has been a fruitful semester altogether.
I've forged bonds and had great experiences with people from hall and school, bonds I've not experienced for quite a long time since the last I studied, and I know these moments will stay with me forever, all as a beautiful memory. (:

However, it's quite saddening that we have to move out soon because of the upcoming YOG.
I really hope I can get back Hall 3 again - same room, same roomie.
It's 99% impossible though.
Haha, okay, I shall not be that demanding, so long as I'm staying with Amanda again, everything will be alright, and that's highly achievable, teehee.

Anyway, I'm really glad I have boyfriend by my side all this while, accompanying me and being there for me in situations where I'm afraid to stay alone in hall during the weekends, or through the whole family drama.
He's my personal stabilizer. With him, there's no need for anti-depressants. LOL
Aaww lublub. :)

On another note, I'm managing my finances pretty well too.
Though I still can't afford to save, I'm making progress in returning forgotten personal debts monthly.
Can't wait to be free of this financial burden. :D
To all my loves, thank you for supporting me all this while, it really means a lot to me.

There's good progress with my overdue V-day pressie too. (:
Spending more time and effort being there for my friends too, amidst my own problems.
Okay, I'm just proud of myself because I feel that I've improved in terms of studies and as a person.

However, I know I need to put in much more than this.
I want a 4.8 too. LOL
Hopefully.
Praying.

Oh, and if you haven't, PLEASE WATCH the movie:

How to train your dragon.

Yea, it's a cartoon I know, but you won't regret it, I promise.
It's a totally awesome movie please, like, TOTALLY!
So if you wanna watch it but all your friends think they're way too mature for cartoons (whatever), just ring me, I won't mind watching it again, even if it's for the 100th time.
That's how nice it is!

Anyway, I'm gonna have dinner with Eugenia soon.
Haven't eaten anything since breakfast. I'm famished.

And to end off, here are some super random mobile uploads from who-knows-how-long-ago.
Been so long, but yea, that's how un-free I am to upload photographs from my phone. :x

Missing boyfriend,
Hungry,
Tired,
Happy,
Bla bla,
Random,
Byebye.

-Charm.

2010-03-16T20:02:00.000-07:00

'Cause I want it that way~~ (:

Hi, I'm back from MIA-ing.
Was really busy with SP last week, and at the end of it all, we all put up an excellent show (:
Don't think I can ever play the role of a nurse though, because everyone (my supporters) laughs when they see me in the nurse uniform.
It was supposed to be some really sad and emotional scene, but the moment Amanda and I appear on stage, BOOMZ, there goes the laughter, so wrong. LOL.
Attempt-to-act-serious-and-sad failed. Hahahaha, sigh I have a natural cheerful + smiley face. Teehee.
Anyway, gonna be real busy with upcoming presentations and the examinations are around the corner!! T.T
Time passes really fast this semester I must say, it feels as if I just started school last week or something.
Hmmm, got back my tests & assignment results. Overall, I must say that I'm happy, at least I did better than last semester, EXCEPT for Math. Screw it, seriously.
Who cares about proving here and there, NOBODY.
So I shall be a hardworking girl and do my work today.
Before I disappear, here are some of the pictures from my SP experience! (:

Once again, I really appreciate the efforts of those who made the time to come and watch me perform despite their really busy schedules and all.
Thanks to:

1) Baby! <3
2) Lin
3) Eugenia
4) Denise
5) Adeline
6) Cheryl
7) Thomas
8) Eunice
9) Mardiana
10) Mus
11) Aaron
12) Terry
13) Sanah
14) Lionel
15) Cindy
16) Derrick
17) Peh Wei
18) Weiyu
19) Zongbing
20) Prunella
21) Kenny
22) Daphne Sparkie
23) Jay
24) Jaslyn
25) Jin Yin
26) Ai Jia
27) Ahmad
28) Sheree
29) Jing Jie

You guys rocks TTM!

-Charm.

2010-03-10T01:47:00.001-08:00

Our drama production (:

To everyone, this is yet another reminder, and a plea for all of you to spare 2hours of your time to come and watch us perform and give us your fullest support!

Venue: ACS Barker
Time: 7pm-9pm (Approximately)
Dates: Friday, 12/03 OR Saturday, 13/03

Although I play a really minor role, but I know the entire team has really put in a lot of effort in the past few months to put up this wonderful performance.
I feel that what's most important is having our loved ones and friends come to support us when we perform.
Hence, please, if you all can make it, please do come.
Let me know if you want to reserve any tickets okay!
Bring your family and friends if possible, the more the merrier!
We really do appreciate your efforts :)

I was feeling quite down earlier today, because I received a number of rejections due to busy schedules.

However, my baby Chu cheered me up with just one sentence:

Eugene says:
i miss you :D

He really brightens up my entire day, no matter how sad I may be.
I love my baby TTM! <3

-Charm.

2010-03-04T21:57:00.000-08:00

My favourite niece :D

So I've made some progress in my DSE assignment; I've gotten my newspaper articles and I'm defining all the 20 terms now, such a pain in the arse, like, seriously.

Anyway, I had a good time yesterday. (:

Making a fool out of ourselves in town and going on an arcade frenzy, HAHA.
So here's two crazy videos of us embarrassing ourselves :D

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=371205599223&ref=mf
&
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=371287949223&ref=mf

I'm kind of lazy or rather, there's nothing much to say so I'll just let these few pictures do the talking.

If you're wondering why I appear in so few photos, that's because I'm the one taking the pictures silly.
There are more photographs on the other cameras, so I'll just have to wait for them to upload and tag me on facebook.

I've been in a very jolly mood for the past few days, thanks to the song Hey Soul Sister by Train.
Gonna disturb Kenrick again for a few more songs. Hehe.

I just left baby this morning and I'm eagerly waiting for 6pm to come so that I can see him again.
I've been on a missing-baby frenzy too. I don't know why HAHA.

I think that's all for now, BYEBYE!

dee-dum-dum-dee-dee-dum. (:

So you see, I can be myself now finally,
In fact there's nothing I can't be,
I want the world to see you'll be with me ('v')

-Charm.

2010-03-03T14:06:00.000-08:00

Charm, aka. the cave-woman. :)
Hi. I probably won't be on for the next week due to the fact that I've got to host a japanese exchange student and work has been piling up though, if I do catch you on msn I'll explain to you what the weird questions were all about.

-Blaze.

2010-03-03T08:40:00.000-08:00

Valentine's Day (:

Hi earthlings, it's been ages since I last updated.
Have been really busy with assignments and E-Learning deadlines, dance, and everything else.

Well, the good news is, all the hectic killer assignments are finally OVER.

Our dance competition is over too! Managed to get 6th position out of 16 teams, and I'm really happy because I thought we would fare worse because I'm not that good a dancer. ):
Anyway, if you're interested to watch our dance video, here is the link:

http://www.facebook.com/search/?q=btwong55%40yahoo.com&init=quick#!/video/video.php?v=10150094123975618&ref=mf

Awesome long link right, I know.
Actually, do watch the video, it's really funny and entertaining :)
Presenting you ABSOLUT3:

I'm currently having my recess week, and I just came home from Daniel's wedding.
I had a fabulous time today; it was a total blast.
The Lim family have been waiting for this day for the past 19 years.
Yea, although the family is so HUGE, none of them got married for the past 19 years.
It was really a joyous occasion I must say.
Took loads of pictures too!
And by loads, I actually mean like 100-200+ photographs.
LOL, this is what happens when you place all the camwhores together. (:
They'll be available on facebook really soon! If you're waiting for me to upload the pictures here, then please direct yourself to the nearest pitchfork thanks.
INSANITY.
Okay, I will just post 3 of the photos first, taken with my phone.

The groom (:
Charlene & I at the salon (:

All dolled up & pretty!

Oh, and I finally uploaded all the CNY, V-day & random photos on facebook, after procrastinating for who-knows-how-long.
I won't bother uploading them here anymore, go to my facebook if you want to see the pretty pictures. Blah.

Hmmm, the next upcoming event of my life?
DRAMA SPECIAL PRODUCTION!
It's happening on the 12th and 13th of March, tickets @ $15, venue: ACS Barker.
Do come down and support me!!!
Although I'm just playing a uber minor role, just COME.
I guarantee you'll laugh your balls/boobs off.
Here's a little sneak preview of my role:

Yea, you get the idea, HAHA.

So I'll be going to have lunch tomorrow at Seoul Garden with the dancers, and I will be meeting Daphne at Parkway for dinner.
I'm such a busy lady.

Two pressing assignments:
1) DSE Assignment
2) Baby's OVERDUE V-DAY GIFT.

!!!!!!!

Oh, and I really need to change the songs on this blog, totally.
However, that will have to wait till I'm like, feeling all hardworking.
Don't know when that day will come though, LOL.

Okay, I'm really tired, it's been a really long day.
Goodnight loves, mwahs!

-Charm.

2010-03-02T01:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Blaze,

let's play your game. (:

Questions:

1. You are looking at a cube. What size is it? It's a small cube.
2. What is the distance between you and the cube? It's right in front of me.

3. What colour(s) is it? It's black in colour.

4a. Whats inside of it? A surprise.

4b. Can one see the interior of the cube? Yes.

5. There is a ladder. What colour / material is it? It's silver, made of metal.

6. What is the distance between the cube and the ladder? About 2 metres apart.

7a. Is the ladder leaning towards or away from the cube? Towards.

7b. How close/far is the ladder leaning towards/away from the cube? About 1 metre.

8. There is a horse. What does it look like? It looks magnificent and majestic.

9. What is the distance between you and the horse? It's right beside me.

There you go, tell me if you need me to re-answer.
LOL, what a weird game.

-Charm.

2010-02-27T23:33:00.000-08:00

Charm,
If you have time, let's play a short game.

Questions:

1. You are looking at a cube. What size is it?

2. What is the distance between you and the cube?

3. What colour(s) is it?

4a. Whats inside of it?

4b. Can one see the interior of the cube?

5. There is a ladder. What colour / material is it?

6. What is the distance between the cube and the ladder?

7a. Is the ladder leaning towards or away from the cube?

7b. How close/far is the ladder leaning towards/away from the cube?

8. There is a horse. What does it look like?

9. What is the distance between you and the horse?

2010-02-24T09:14:00.000-08:00

The worst is over. :D

For those of you who thought I died, here's the good news - I didn't. LOL

Was darn busy with assignments, tests, and dance.

Best performance ever tonight.

Our hall won the overall champion hall again.

HALL 3 is the best shit ever.

Will update again soon. For now, I have to do more work; some lame presentation tomorrow.

Later.

-Charm.

2010-02-18T10:52:00.000-08:00

Smile? It'll go away, eventually...so don't stress yourself out with those assignments Charm, especially at 3am in the morning.

-Blaze.

2010-02-16T23:36:00.000-08:00

The drip.

First of all, a Happy Chinese New Year & Valentine's Day to all of you. (:

Haven't updated in awhile because of the above two special occasions.
I've had my happiest and most special V-day with baby this year - A bouquet of beautiful roses, a special dinner at Fullerton Hotel, and a lovely walk by the river side.
Went visiting at his relatives' too, and had my first ever winnings in a game of mahjong. Haha.

However, it didn't end off all too well.
As you can see from the photo, I was put on the drip yesterday.
Both baby and I suffered from food poisoning after dining at Ajisen Ramen; never going to eat there ever again.
Mass diarrhea & vomiting till I became dehydrated.
Daddy brought me to TTSH and I was put on the drip for four hours and was fed with all kinds of medicine.
My fever comes and goes, and I'm still having diarrhea. The vomiting has stopped though, thank goodness.

I'm stressed out; have tons of assignments due by the end of this week and two tests at the start of next week.
The worst part is, I still feel like death.
I e-mailed one of my tutors requesting for an extension in the submission deadline of one of my assignments, I do hope he's kind enough to grant me that request.
Have tons of pretty photos to upload too, but that will need to wait till I'm in a better condition.

I still owe baby his V-day gift. T.T
I do hope you're feeling better baby, I'm worried sick for you.
Lublub.

Till then.

-Charm.

2010-02-11T08:57:00.000-08:00

tears.

It's 1am and I'm tearing, all over again.

I read cupcake's blog post about life, and when it came to this sentence she wrote, "What do you think you would think about, when you're lying on your deathbed?", the first thought that came to my mind was my father.

All that's happened, the fortune telling, everything - hit me like a tidal wave.

Even though I'm not superstitious, I will never want that to happen no matter what.
I know for sure that I won't be able to handle it; I think no one will be able to when it comes to their loved ones.

No matter how he has erred, he's someone I love a lot, despite everything.

My adidas watch strap broke today, and I'm still feeling sad about it.
I do love this watch a lot, but I guess deep down, more importantly, it was a Christmas gift from him, the last gift I received from him, before I saw the devil in him ever since I started working.

Why.

-Charm.

2010-02-09T09:16:00.001-08:00

My hands;

It's our 2 years & 1 month anniversary today! Although we don't celebrate the months, but..

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BABY!

Today is the first day I feel much better after all the disheartening problems since last week; much better as in, I didn't really feel down at any one point of the day, but rather, my mood remained neutral throughout, and I actually felt happy towards the end of the day, especially after dance.

It really helps when I gather all my thoughts and feelings and make a firm decision on what to do despite the quite-dire situation, knowing that it won't do me any good should I let it bog me down day by day.

I have baby and my friends to thank for; for standing by me.
Though there's nothing much to be said, or rather, it's hard to say anything, I do appreciate all your concern. (:

I'm quite positive about dance after today's practice.
It's not that bad after all, and I can remember the choreographs pretty well.
I just have to muster up my courage and build on my confidence.
I'm also really thankful for beautiful dance mates, who never fail to encourage me no matter how slow I am in catching the beats or learning the steps.
I love you all! (:

On another random note, I had dinner with Amanda at JP this evening, at our favourite soup stall. Yummy!
Walked a little around JP after that, and I finally got myself a new handphone pouch, pretty pretty!

Okay, other than it being black [my usual colour], I fell in love with the bling blings! Hahahaha.

Oh, and the roses we ordered arrived today too.
In case you don't know what's happening, Amanda bought me a rose for V-day, and I bought her a rose for V-day, so they delivered both roses to the same room today.
Idk what the hell are we doing, but heck luh, it's sweet and thoughtful to receive flowers, never fails to brighten my day!

Awesome right, I know. :D

Oh, there are also pictures to be uploaded - pictures of the both of us cam-whoring in the bus on the way back to NTU.
However, I'm feeling extremely lazy now, so I'll do it in the next post or something, muahaha.

I shall hop to bed now!
Goodnight loves, mwahs!

-Charm.

2010-02-08T06:06:00.000-08:00

Just had reunion dinner with the paternal side yesterday.
The happiest thing is, baby came along!
Thanks baby, I love you! (:
Oh, and I finally did my eyelash extensions at Far East Plaza, at the same place Yan Kaykay did hers. She recommended the place on her twitter so I decided to try it out.
It's good and it'll last for approximately one month.
I'm looking awesome and like a doll. HAHA.
The only irritating thing about fake eyelashes is when I wash my face or bathe. That's the time when I feel like just ripping them off my eyes. ARGH.

On another note, it's going to be a real busy week.

There are dance practices tomorrow, on Wednesday and on Thursday, SIGH.
HO closing is in 2 weeks time, on the 24th of February.
I don't have much confidence in myself; there are too many choreographs, and just not enough time.
To make things worse, it's CNY next week.
No, that isn't a bad thing, but it means less practices.
I'm so afraid I'll screw up during the actual performance. ):

Anyway, I'll be having my SBA presentation tomorrow.
FYI, SBA - Shared Book Approach - the BIG BOOKS which your teachers read to all of you when you were small little Primary One children, running around the school naked.
Remember those days? Haha.

Yea, the idea is there.
We have to treat the entire class of teachers-to-be as Primary One children and read aloud the big book to them.
It's going to be nerve-wrecking, spastic, retarded, hilarious, whatever, whatever.

So we did a story map for our big book.
A story map is made up of three pictures which respectively tell the beginning, middle, and the ending of the entire big book in three drawings with no words.
The idea - to be able to tell the synopsis of the story just by looking at the story map.

The title of our big book is, "Where can Suling Write?"
Here is our story map, proudly illustrated by Empress Charm. LOL

Beginning

Middle

End

Tell me a story won't you? (:

Oh, and we did this experiment on meal worms two weeks back, and here's an awesome drawing of a mutated meal worm by one of my group members, Pearlyn.

Idk, I think majority of teachers should be artists. :D

I have decided not to care or let the current situation bog me down.
Even if I continue to stay depressed, nothing's gonna change.
I don't wanna take sides, neither do I have the emotional capacity to handle so much shit at one go.
So whatever.

-Charm.

2010-02-06T06:34:00.000-08:00

Blaze was asking me to try this online tarot card reading, and this is my result (P.S. SO TRUE LOL):

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

You people might want to call me Empress Charm from now onwards.
HAHA.
Anyway, I'll be having reunion dinner with the paternal side tomorrow, and the happy thing is, baby is coming along! (:

Things are getting uglier at home, and my father is getting more and more disgusting by the day.
I'm glad for my mother, for she has more or less come to a decision, one which will do herself justice, for all the wrong that she suffered for the past twenty odd years of her life.

On my part, I don't really know how to face it when it actually happens, but I will be strong.
It's for the betterment of the rest of the family members eventually.

Don't really know what else to say right now.
So whatever.

Bye.

-Charm.

2010-02-06T06:30:00.000-08:00

This is the conversation that took place after Charm completed the quiz.
Charm.♥ says:
i shall post this
on blog
right now.
NJ~ says:
post mine too? :)
Charm.♥ says:
YOU POST URSELF
LAZY PEA
Charm.♥ says:
i tell u
NJ~ says:
-lazy-
LOL
Charm.♥ says:
ONE WEEK ONE ENTRY
YOU AFTER 2 MONTHS NOTHING

...and so....in response to Charm, this was the card I got. - Blaze.

You are Strength

Courage, strength, fortitude. Power not arrested in the act of judgement, but passing on to further action, sometimes obstinacy.

With strength you can control not only the situation, but yourself. It is a card about anger and impulse management, about creative answers, leadership and maintaining one's personal honor. It can also stand for a steadfast friend.

2010-02-02T23:12:00.001-08:00

Silence.

It's a depressing mid-week.

I received a call from mummy yesterday and she broke down on the phone.
It's my father again.
I was boiling with anger initially, so much so that I wanted give him a tight slap on his face at that very moment.
Then again, another part of me was just too tired and disappointed, that I didn't even want to see or speak to him.

I've cried several times over thoughts of my father, and I'm still in disbelief, refusing to acknowledge this fucked up side of him.
I don't think I am ever going to talk to him again, at least not in the near future.

I thought dramatic situations like that only occurred in movies or dramas, yet it's happening for real; it's happening to me.

It's a good thing the dance and drama practices are keeping me distracted, yet they're wearing me out as well, physically.

At this very moment, I feel mentally and physically dead.

The only thing I'm looking forward to is being in baby's embrace; I can't wait for tomorrow to come.
I know he's the only one who can make me smile through this.

I'm going to take my second nap now.

-Charm.

2010-01-31T04:46:00.000-08:00

I'm already missing you. Boo.

So I'm finally home, after 1 whole week. Coolios.
I was surprised that I felt kind of sad when I entered the house and found that my mum was nowhere in sight.

Me: "Where's mummy?"
Joy: "Don't know, she disappeared."
Me (Irritated): "HUH?"
Joy: "No luh no luh she went to play mahjong."

How lame can my sister get right.
Okay, that's besides the point.
I feel sad because the only time I'll get to see my mother again will be like.. NEXT WEEK.
Another long week has to pass before I can get to see my mummy. T.T
I think those of you reading will be like, "What? Charm misses her mother?"
Yea, I know, I'm kinda surprised myself, yet I feel happy too, happy for the fact that I'm actually closer to my mother now, and we're on much better terms than we were in the past. (:
I hope and pray that it'll continue to stay this way.

The house party I mentioned in my previous post wasn't exactly a house party, just a simple gathering of Eunice and her friends.
However, the food was awesome!
It was cooked by her boyfriend, Eddy, who happens to be a chef.

Trust me, it tastes as good as it looks, hehe.
I was telling baby that Eddy can open his very own restaurant.
Everything on the plate tastes excellent, from the corn to the prawns to the vegetables to the fish to the mashed potato beneath the fish.
Just one concern though, the portion is too small.

I want to be able to cook like that, like, seriously. T.T
There's something about me and cooking these days; I find myself enjoying cooking, and wanting to cook more good food for baby.
I AM SO GOING TO ATTEND COOKING CLASSES.

Oh, and Eunice took this super un-glam photo of baby and I while we were eating, but we managed to un-tag ourselves in time LOL. Phew.

On another note, I'm very happy and satisfied with my facebook group; it's only been about a week and there are already 523 members as of now.
Things are looking good huh huh huh. Haha!

Oh, and I realized that I want a lot of things, like:

1) A new bag with pretty studs.
2) A tattoo.
3) Brazilian wax.
4) A new wallet.

Can't really remember the others but these are things I've wanted for so long.
The list will go on indefinitely if I just sit down and think hard.
The boyfriend says he will give me $10 when he gets his pay.
Awesome right, so generous.
Ill-treatment. Abuse. Sigh.
Nope, all the MONEH is mine thanks.

Before I end, here is something random, or rather, ironic.
My father is currently 'blasting' Christian songs by Don Moen on the computer, and guess what's he doing?
Betting on soccer, LOL.
You get the irony?
Right.

-Charm.

2010-01-30T03:41:00.000-08:00

Fooling around with our rings. (:

What a lazy Saturday.
I'm at baby's place and I'll will be staying till tomorrow.
There's going to be a house party here tomorrow; I anticipate delicious yummy food! :D

We're playing Pokemon defense again, and will be watching "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus" later in the night.
JOHNNY DEPP - coolios! Hehehe.

I had fun with my cupcake on Wednesday, had a simple yet awesome dinner at JP and we just walked about aimlessly thereafter, talking about our lives and of our relationships.
I'm really glad that my cupcake is truly happy now.
Say bye to UNREASONABLE and ASS-HO-TIC EX-ES! :D

Started cam-whoring in the toilet just before we parted.
There's just something about cam-whoring and the toilet.
They're like a couple, like, it has to be done in the toilet, not always, but most of the time, LOL.

And if you're wondering, NO her hands are not literally on my boobs.
LOL.

Didn't get to meet the donkey on Thursday though, because as usual, she was being a donkey, caught up with school and all.
Sigh, second upper-class honours degree student is like that one.
It's okay, I'll torture her when she enters NIE later this year. HAHAHAHAHA.

Went for lunch with my babe, Lin yesterday, while waiting for baby to finish work.
Passed her the note and she actually read it that fast. Coolios.
As usual, she paid for lunch again and said her favourite phrase, "there's always a chance next time."
I don't know how many "next times" have passed, her phrase doesn't contain any meaning. SIGH.
I'll pay next time, behind your back or something.
Don't know how that's going to actually happen, but I'll think of a scheming plan. :D

So we went to the Science Centre thereafter to collect Andre's stuff, and the place was swarmed with school children and tired-looking teachers.
Right... pity us please, we're so going to go through that whole excursion shit in the future.
Sigh.

My boyfriend is currently making a big fuss, insisting that he wants to read my post NOW NOW NOW.
LOL.
Sigh, I LOVE HIM TTM!
Gonna have dinner with him now I guess, because the boyfriend just said that he's hungry.
Like king like that someone.

Okay I'm going to end here before he tries to take a peek again.
He think sneak preview, Sigh.

Byebye.

-Charm.

2010-01-26T19:08:00.001-08:00

I miss my baby.

It's Wednesday, and the happiest part is, I've ended lessons. :D

As I've mentioned in my previous post, I went to 'Dian Xiao Er' at AMK hub on Sunday for dinner with my family.
The food was awesome!

Are you drooling yet? Hehe.
The dinner cost approximately $200.
Ouch to my brother.

Went shopping with Lionel & Cindy after the dinner and bought myself a pair of shorts with pretty studs on them.
My first ever pair of shorts, LOL.
Watched The Tooth Fairy as well - It's good. (:

Hmm, my life's pretty much the same - school, assignments, dance, drama.

Boyfriend got his posting already - Aerospace Technology at Ngee Ann Poly.
I feel happy for him!
However, that silly wants to appeal to Biomedical Science.

Me: "Huh, why do you want to appeal?"
Bf: "Just for fun."

Sigh, result of being too free.

Anyway, he also found a job, as a PA in an insurance company together with Kenrick.
Yeay, $_$ LOL.
Sigh, I'm sure he's going to open some secret bank account and stash all his secret savings there.
NAH, it's all mine thanks bye.

I will be meeting cupcake later for dinner at JP, haven't seen her for the longest time.

My donkey will be coming to my hall tomorrow as well to visit me, and I'm suppose to take her on some tour around NTU.
Right, NTU just became Singapore's newest tourist attraction.
I see roller coasters and ferris-wheels already, LOL.

Oh! I created a facebook group, haha!
It's called "I just can't help but look at myself whenever I walk past any reflective surface."
AWESOME right.
It's only the third day, and I already have 340 members as of now, after terrorizing and threatening idk how many people LOL.
I want to hit 1,000,000 people!
:D

Till then!

-Charm.

2010-01-24T00:53:00.000-08:00

Acceptance.

Will be heading for dinner with my entire family soon.
Sigh, I cannot deny that I'm feeling sad though.

Before I was attached, I've always wanted to have a boyfriend who would be accepted by my family, be able to come for dinners, go for holidays altogether, like how my brother would bring his previous girlfriends along with us.
Then when I became attached, it didn't happen because of circumstantial issues; issues that were not within our grasp or control to change anything.

After nearly 2 years, today, my mother actually made the first step, something I've waited for for so long, and I felt so excited, elated, happy, so-can't-wait, and all other words that could possibly describe my anticipation.

However, another part of me knew it still wouldn't happen.

Sigh, I know it's not something that can be rushed, neither am I feeling angry or anything negative, but I just feel sad.

Stop feeling sad. Stop, stop, stop.

It'll come true one day...hopefully.

-Charm.

2010-01-23T05:28:00.000-08:00

I can never get enough of you.

It's Saturday, tomorrow's Sunday, and thereafter, Monday.. AGAIN. !@#$%^%@#&^@%#

Okay, had a lot of fun with baby yesterday & today. LOVE IT.

So we went shopping for baby's CNY's clothes yesterday and spent about $200+?
Ouch.
BUT.. it's well spent because he got pretty awesome clothes; clothes he has always wanted, that is, and he looks good in all of them! :D

He started matching all his new clothes the moment he reached home and I got him to be my personal model and I took pictures of him with the different combinations.
However, I'm not allowed to post all these pictures on facebook yet because nobody's allowed to know what he's gonna wear for CNY, so I'm just gonna do it here first.

PERKS of reading my blog: get to know things way ahead before facebook updates LOL.

Here goes, model: Eugene Chu (MY BABY).

I have such a charming boyfriend.
He must have gotten all his charm from me. LOL

Gonna upload more photos of baby & I on our facebook album now, FINALLY, after procrastinating for who knows how long, again.

Till then.

-Charm.

2010-01-19T02:24:00.000-08:00

These are one of those days where I feel all in love again,
And my heart skips a beat whenever I think of you.
There's no reason, just a warmth that fills my heart.
Every single thought is of you,
And I can't stop smiling.
You're mine, forever & always.

Charm.♥ says:
you're the bestest thing that happened to me
Eugene says:
of course

I know I have a humble boyfriend, like totally.
Awesome isn't it. LOL

Mwahs.

-Charm. (:

2010-01-17T08:00:00.000-08:00

Yani & Joy

So my maid is gone. That's a photo of her and my sister, just before she left for the airport.
Some unglam sister, trying to act cool all. -.-
Say hello to independence.
Hi independence. -.-

Sigh, it's Monday tomorrow, and the whole cycle of 8.30am lessons begins once more.
Sigh, I can't stop sighing.
I'm already suffering from Monday blues, and it's just 4 minutes into Monday, FML.

Things are better, I just hope I can continue to stay positive, or the least, neutral.
I need more strength, courage and confidence.
If only these were concrete things which could be exchanged with money, I would buy them all, even if it meant borrowing or stealing or whatever.
Lol I don't make sense.
Sigh.

I hope I'll be happier too.
I've just managed to take the first step out of this mini-depression status, I hope nothing triggers it off again.

Hope hope hope.
Full of hopes and wants.

We are never satisfied, no one is.

-Charm.

2010-01-14T23:49:00.000-08:00

The family is about to break up again, because of you.
Just one more sign, and nobody is going to bother about you again.
You really disgust me at times.
No matter how much I love you, or how much you have doted on me, I don't think I can ever forgive you for what you've done to the family.

If my mother had to face death right now,

she can proudly say, that in her entire life, though bitter because of you,
she have had a meaningful one, one in which she have a family of her own, gave birth to three beautiful children, and supported the entire family with her own two hands, while you brought to us nothing but trouble.

Regrets? The only one she has, was to marry the wrong man.

If my father had to face death right now,

he has nothing to be proud of, except for the fact that he married a good wife, one who tolerated his rubbish for 28 years, one who gave him a wonderful family, and one who forgave him no matter how many lies he told her.

However, his wife's heart died, and her soul faded, for all the pain he caused her to go through, such that she became distraught and bitter.
Now? She doesn't care anymore, or rather, she's too tired to say anything anymore. She can give up now, because her children have all grown up. She has nothing much to worry anymore, lest to plan for her old age.

Regrets? Plenty.

Regret for gambling beyond your means,
Regret for all the wrong you did,
Regret for destroying the very family you created,
Regret for constantly trying to make use of your children.

If I had to face death right now,

I can proudly say, that I have, to the best of my ability, tried to be there for every friend I had, to place those I love before me, and to bring joy to the people around me.

Regrets? A few maybe.

I would regret for not being a better sister,
I would regret for not being a happier person,
I would regret for not loving myself more.

I just feel mentally and physically tired.
I've always tried to understand people, their feelings, their thoughts, their opinions.
However, has anyone really tried to understand me, my feelings, my thoughts, my needs.
Then it seems like whatever I do or feel is wrong, because it doesn't go along with their feelings and thoughts.
I'm sorry for being me then.

The meet-up didn't go that well either.

She's going back tomorrow.

There's a thick fog ahead once again.
I don't know how long it'll last this time.

& when night falls tonight,
I'm feeling all alone,
I will be on my own,
cause you aren't there, with me.

-Charm.

2010-01-14T00:42:00.000-08:00

Don't have the appetite to eat again.
I think I'm dying somehow.
I feel extremely lethargic but I'm unable to sleep well at all.
Sigh.

Anyway, these photos are so overdue. These were taken from my outing with Rachel and her monster.
We went to this nice cafe called "teadot", located at Tampines One.
They serve awfully awesome chocolate cakes, GODLY.

The best banana chocolate cake I've eaten.

Kind of forgotten the name. Hazelnut something.
The middle portion tastes exactly like Ferrero Rocher, I swear.
AWESOME.

This is a blend of Oolong tea with Citrus.
Extremely refreshing, the perfect drink to complement the chocolate cakes. (:

My darling with her darling.

I have drama rehearsal later at 8pm.
It's Friday tomorrow, finally.
I'm excited and afraid at the same time; I'll be going back to MCS to see the principal.
I hope everything works out well. *Cross my fingers*

-Charm.

2010-01-11T23:50:00.000-08:00

I saw this note posted on the door of my room when I returned to hall yesterday.
I was immensely shocked that she moved out of hall already, and I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to her.
I even feel quite sad till now, because Yanning is one of the other closer friends I have in hall.

I've been feeling rather down recently, all because of this word that I have to face:

Change.

I have to admit, I'm not one who is able to cope well with changes, both big and small.

Honestly, I don't think anyone, after having found their comfort zone, will want to face any change, because of the uncertainties it brings about, or the fear that things might change drastically.

I'm going to face two major changes in my life this year, one being, my maid is going home on Saturday, and the other, baby's new phase of life.

I've cried several times over both issues, but I know these are things I have to accept and face eventually.

"Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better."

-King Whitney Jr.

I just pray that I'll be granted the strength and courage to face the changes in my life, and to turn from being the fearful to being the hopeful and confident.

-Charm.

2010-01-10T06:05:00.000-08:00

Right, so school is starting tomorrow; can you already tell that I'm depressed?

Sigh, this is the result of too long a holiday.

Baby's results will be out tomorrow as well, all the best! I hope that he'll be able to get the ideal results that he wants.

I have some photos to upload from the meet-up with Rachel, but yea, I'm depressed and lazy now, so I'll do it in the next post or something.

Aside from that, I bought this pretty notebook and 2010 planner for the new semester.
To cheer myself up and make school a little more exciting I think. Lol.

Pretty huh, I know, they're mine that's why.
I'm like some Primary 1 school girl, getting all excited over new stationery. -.-

So I thought, "Hey, you know, I'll give baby the honour of writing some nice, sweet, encouraging words to encourage me to study hard and not be lazy this semester on the very FIRST page of my pretty notebook."

Such an honour okay, I will never ever write anything on the first page of any of my notebooks one please.

And..

On the MRT train while sending me home, with my awesome expensive PILOT new pen (I mass advertise it, all those around me should know which pen it is LOL), and my favourite light blue ink, this is what he wrote:

So encouraging right.
Awesome, I know. LOL

Sigh, tell me why I love my boyfriend so much. Hahahaha.

He still owes me another two lines for something else. Hehe.

I so can't wait for school to start tomorrow, NOT.

BYE.

-Charm.

2010-01-08T09:46:00.000-08:00

HAPPY 2 YEARS ANNIVERSARY TO BABY & ME!! :D
090108

My hands are yours to hold; now, forever & always. (:

I typed a long message here initially, but decided that it's only for him to read it, so I posted it in my personal blog for him instead, haha.

These 2 years have been the happiest moments of my life, and I'm really blessed to have him by my side.

I also want to thank all my loves and friends for accepting us both despite our age differences, and for being there for me, giving me your support and advice.

Mwahs!

-Charm.

2010-01-08T01:27:00.000-08:00

So boyfriend is staring at this while I'm blogging, right.
I shall not be affected by you. :)

And HELLO Joshua, some fraud. Lol.

Okay, I know I did mention that I didn't see the fun of the pokemon defense game that baby and Josh were playing.

BUT..

I got addicted to it last night and played it till this morning 8am. -.-

I'm not even that crazy over dota, sigh. LOL

Gonna meet Rachel at 6pm at Tampines One for dinner, can't wait to see her!
She's bringing her little monster; I shall terrorize him later. Scheming me.

Baby's contemplating whether or not to go for his class gathering.
It's like 5.30pm?
And he's supposed to meet his friends at Farrer Park station at 5.30pm.

No, he hasn't taken a bath yet.
No, he doesn't seem anxious.
No, he's not going to bathe.

He's happily sitting his arse down and reading his online comics, listening to "I've got a feeling" by Black Eyed Peas.

LOL.

On another random note, it's my parents 28th wedding anniversary today!

HAPPY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY DAD & MUM! <3

Okay, shall stop here for now, happy weekend!

-Charm.

2010-01-06T03:33:00.000-08:00

Don't really feel well today, my tummy's hurting a lot. :(
I think the cramps are at fault.
However, I'm feeling much better now already, after a nap and a cup of hot milo. :D

Right, so I managed to make the OTHER lazy blogger make a post like, FINALLY.
Continue to work hard blaze, LOL.

Oh, I took over baby's CafeWorld and remodeled it. The management has changed, hahahahahaha. His cafe looks awesome now:

And this is my awesome cafe:

Don't mind the picture quality please. It was taken in total darkness at like, 4am in the morning?
Lol.

Okay, so I've emailed the principal of MCS, I really hope that this will work. *Prays hard*

Going for TP's open house tomorrow with baby and Joshua.
Then there's the question of how we're gonna wake up on time..
Lol okay shall not think about it.

Baby's currently playing the silly Pokemon defense with Joshua, they have been playing that game the whole afternoon.
I don't see how fun the game really is, but baby seems so fascinated by it.
-.-

That's about it for now, BYE.

-Charm.

2010-01-05T08:50:00.000-08:00

BAD: Nearly fell asleep in class today,
GOOD: Won a pair of sennheiser headphones :),

OK: Charm made me say this D: ...

Alright, I'm off for a nap~.

-Blaze.